Cadenza’s Costume Ideas
1) Antoine Dodson
All you need is a red bandana, a black wife-beater and the ability to auto-tune yourself.
Undergo horrific dental surgery to replace all of your bottom teeth with diamonds, then simply wear a red suit and hit up the PAD department to surround yourself with ballerinas.
3) The Rent is Too Damn High Guy
You’ll need gloves, a mustache and the ability to perform karate.
4) Double Rainbow
Fashion two rainbows out of construction paper and start crying.
Only acceptable if all 33 are rescued. Don’t forget to number yourselves.
6) Mel Gibson
Get so drunk and racist that the cast of “The Hangover 2” bans you from the set. These are the same guys who cast Mike Tyson in a movie.
7) Lady Gaga
Beg the butcher department at Schnucks for last week’s steaks and somehow fashion them into some sort of clothing substitute. We’d give you more concrete advice, but Cadenza is still not sure how that all stuck on her. If you’re of the vegetarian persuasion, buy a giant block of tofu.
Add pearls to the standard witch costume, and you’re instantly recognizable as Delaware’s Republican Senate hopeful. To complete the look, add the Bill of Rights with an omitted Establishment Clause. Don’t forget to stress that evolution is a theory, just like gravity.
9) Tea Party Member
Wear revolutionary clothes and hold a sign that says, “Obama is a Komunest.” Also, try to find a sun hat. Hang tea bags from it. Refuse to use your inside voice.