Oh my God, it’s almost 2010: Worst Boy Band Attempts

| Senior Cadenza Editor

Halloween just came and went, soon 102.5 will start playing only Christmas music and before you know it, it will be 2010. As I am still unable to temporally process when the year 2000 was, the fact that the end of whatever we decide to call the decade is almost here is nearly unfathomable. And, as we, Generation Y/The Millennials have been deemed one of the most nostalgic generations, Cadenza figured that we should combine two of the things we love most in this world: reminiscing and inane lists. So, until the end of the year, we will be as obnoxious as VH1 in counting down the bests and worsts of the decade. First up: Boy Bands.

Worst Boy Band Attempts

Although the greatest boy bands originated in the ’90s, they were still going strong in the early ’00s. BSB’s “Black and Blue” and 98 Degrees’ single “Give Me Just One Night” were released in 2000, and N*Sync’s “No Strings Attached” dropped in 2001. There were wars between BSB and N*Sync fans, and every girl friend group allocated the boy band members accordingly. This list has nothing to do with those bands. Instead, we are going to honor the failed attempts at trying to jump on a bandwagon that could only be filled by a select few.

5. Busted
Busted – Year 3000

The original Jonas Brothers. And by that, I mean Busted was huge in England (they were nominated for Record of the Year in 2003) but failed to find a place in the hearts of American 12 year-olds. Disney, then, took two of their songs (“Year 3000” and “What I Go To School For”), and told these three kids named Kevin, Nick and Joe to sing them. So, Busted, you are on this list for writing a mediocre tribute song to “Back to the Future” and spawning the Jonas Brothers.

4. B5

Wikipedia claims that B5 has been active 2002-present. But does playing at Six Flags theme parks really make you an active band? B5’s highlights include performing a version of  “Getc’ha Head In the Game” for the “High School Musical” soundtrack and being featured in Bow Wow’s song “Hydraulics.” But after peaking at Number 9 on the Radio Disney Charts with “U Got Me,” it all went down hill from there. Don’t worry, it was a very small hill.

3. Dream Street
Dream Street – It Happens Every Time

If you look at a picture of Dream Street now, you will be horrified at how young they were. And, if you listen to “It Happens Every Time,” only by looking at that picture will you be able to convince yourself that this was not sung by girls. The music video to this “hit” includes everything a boy band music video should: fireworks, requisite guy whose shirt is incapable of buttoning and a dance scene on a yacht. But without Dream Street, there would probably be no Jesse McCartney, and who wants to live in that world? (Aaron Carter. Aaron Carter probably wants to live in that world.)

2. O-Town
O-Town’s Liquid Dreams. Gross.

In 2000, O-Town became the product of the first ever “Making the Band.” It scared me that when I watched one of their videos last night, I was able to recall that one of them who was not Ashley Parker Angel was named Trevor. Managed by Lou Pearlman, pop-icon generator and creep extraordinaire, this band is probably the most recognizable on the list. But, seriously guys, “Liquid Dreams?” Let’s just name-drop every actress and singer who some people sort of consider pretty and then talk about how they give us wet dreams. Brilliant! Ashley Parker Angel deserves some credit, though, for his self-deprecating cameo on “Clone High.” That is the only reason they weren’t number one on this list.

LMNT – Juliet

O-Town rejects: That is what LMNT was comprised of. This was the band that replaced Matthew Morrison (Mr. Schue of “Glee”) with someone named Jonas Perch. Well, Jonas Perch, looks like you won. LMNT picked their clever group name from entries to a Teen People Magazine contest. As it has nothing to do with their initials, I’m assuming it is a play on the world “element.” But I’m not sure they realize that. Their best-selling song, “It’s Just You,” can be found on the Kim Possible soundtrack. They also sang “Juliet,” and by sang, I mean spoke slowly with music playing the background. Their complex homage to Shakespeare includes lyrics like “I’ve tried to page you twice, but I see you roll your eyes.” I had forgotten about pagers. And LMNT. And I was okay with that.

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