A love letter to… Jack Donaghy
Jack Donaghy: Lemmon, I’m impressed! You’re beginning to think like a businessman
Liz Lemmon: A Business “Woman”
Jack Donaghy: I don’t think that’s a word
Dearest Jack (or as Don Geiss likes to say Jacky-Boy),
I am writing this letter not to testify how you’ve helped make “30 Rock” one of the best shows on TV; that goes without saying. No, this letter is written to admire, and bat my eyelashes lovingly towards, the unadulterated determination that has made you an American icon. Your name will be as well known as Ronald McDonald’s, Abraham Lincoln’s, George Washington’s and Lebron James’s names combined. Your unshakeable resolve to rise to the top of GE has defined what it means to be a true American.
Before we admire your willpower, lets gawk at your sensitive side. Your affairs with Condoleezza Rice, Maureen Dowd, Katie Couric and (possibly) Martha Stewart are momentous. These women are more powerful than most third world countries. A normal man would quiver at the prospect of having an affair with one of them, but you, Jack Donaghy, are so certain of your romantic skills that you view these queens of the universe like a frat-boy views a prefrosh.
Jack, your romantic abilities are so beyond the scope of mere mortals that you can callously dismiss the possibility of a relationship with Liz Lemmon. Liz is a producer of a hit TV series, and is incredibly shapely. Anyone that can dismiss a hot television producer has more machismo than an Ernest Hemingway novel.
“Work gets me off.” You have said this many times, and I think it sums up some of your best qualities. It demonstrates your dedication and love toward your career. Your unfettered desire to rise to the top is what makes you stand out from the crowd. Even when you were demoted to working in the mailroom, you were not discouraged. In one of the greatest rags-to-riches stories this side of the Beverly Hillbillies, you were able to ascend from working in the mailroom to becoming the CEO of NBC in one day. If that work doesn’t get you off, I don’t know what does.
Your love for GE knows no bounds, and that, my friend, defines both masculinity and patriotism in my book. When GE is about to be tanked by Kathy Geiss, a mentally challenged proxy-CEO, you are willing to try to seduce her to save the company. Even though you never get naughty with her, you were willing, if it would save GE. Only a truly dedicated (or deranged) man would be willing to seduce a woman who wears Dora-the-Explorer underwear and makes her men wear strawberry lip-gloss.
Now I must end my heartfelt letter to you, Jack Donaghy, a man who, “goes to Sbarro’s when he’s angry, the New York Stock Exchange when he’s horny and Christies when he’s depressed.” A man who, in many ways, defines what we all want to be: successful, brash and so cocksure that he makes Nigel Tufnel of Spinal Tap seem modest. Let us all raise our glasses to a true American man. Cheers to you Jack Donaghy!
One of your dearest fans,