Ryan StilesEditor’s Note: This article was published in an April Fool’s Day edition of Student Life. Its content is not factual.
Danforth University Chancellor Mark Wrighton expressed regrets yesterday for not allowing Democratic presidential candidate Senator Barack Obama to speak on campus. In a candid interview, Wrighton lamented the opportunities lost in the wake of Obama’s address on racial issues.
“Did you guys see his speech on race?” asked Wrighton. “If we hadn’t been such d-bags, he could have given that speech here at Dan. U.”
Wrighton was primarily dismayed by what the speech would have done for the University’s image and its reputation for diversity.
“We could have trotted out the half dozen black students and people might have been convinced that we stand for more than just token diversity,” said Wrighton.
Other students were equally upset by the opportunities squandered by barring Obama.
“Why the hell are you interviewing me? I’m an art student and I don’t even watch the news,” said junior Jefferson Brown. “Do you think that just because I’m black I must adore Obama and have some insight into black politics?”
Wrighton promised to invite other prominent black speakers to campus to enlighten the University about racial issues in America.
“We could get.um.some important black guy.like.um.Well, the speaker’s committee will make a strong recommendation. Diversity is important,” said Wrighton. “I know lots of black dudes. They’re my homies.”