Dear Reader: This article appears as part of Student Life’s annual April Fool’s issue. Please don’t think anything in it is true. It’s all made up.
A Washington University student, who was recently hit by a WUPD Segway chariot in the crosswalk of Forsyth Blvd., has fallen into a class 5 coma with little-to-no physical response. She is being treated at the Wash. U. medical school.
The student, a pre-med, female sophomore who will remain unidentified just like the girl who fell out of the window and that other student who got hit by the shuttle, was on her way to early morning organic chemistry when the speeding Segway collided with her unsuspecting and fragile body.
“I don’t even see why she was bothering to go to orgo,” reacted one classmate. “It’s 9 o’clock in the morning. Just watch it online; you extract as little as you would in class.”
Despite the accident, the chemistry department still demands the student show up for the exam scheduled for tomorrow.
“Where there’s a pulse, there’s a requirement,” said Professor Gray. “We are willing, however, to magnanimously cooperate with her in view of her situation, and she can retake the class, its prerequisites and the exam next year.”