Editor’s Note: This article was published in an April Fool’s Day edition of Student Life. Its content is not factual.
This morning Chancellor Mark Wrighton announced that the new Danforth University Center (D.U.C.) would be renamed the Fox University Center (F.U.C.) in honor of Sam Fox, a major benefactor of the University.
“Sam Fox is a very generous and humble man,” said Wrighton. “We decided that Danforth has had enough time in the limelight; it’s Fox’s time to shine.”
Wrighton also announced that a charity event would be held in conjunction with the opening of the Fox University Center.
“After hearing that St. Louis had one of the highest gonorrhea rates in the country, I decided we needed to take action,” said Wrighton. “We will be opening the new building with the ‘Gonorrhea Awareness F.U.C. Fest’ and I’m confident that it will receive plenty of student support.”
A later expansion of the Fox University Center will include a basement and a 5,000 square-foot eatery.
“The architects had trouble designing a basement ratty enough to be acceptable to KDUR,” said Wrighton, “and the eatery will still be run by Bon Appétit-so no need to worry about shorter lines or reasonable prices. This whole complex will be called the Cluster-F.U.C., and we’re looking at implementing similar things all over campus.”
In his closing remarks, Wrighton called for greater student-faculty communication, stressing that the new building would be an ideal forum.
“We’ve begun to lay plans for the Fox University Center Educational Dialogue,” he said, “and we’re working on the scheduling now. We want to get F.U.C.E.D. on Friday and Saturday nights every week, and we think that’s what students want, too.”
Overall, Wrighton was optimistic.
“We’re really hoping to get this program off the ground. The Engineering School has had something similar for the past two years, and we hope the whole campus can get F.U.C.E.D. so all students can feel the same way.”