Bob CostasDear Reader: This article appears as part of Student Life’s annual April Fool’s issue. Please don’t think anything in it is true. It’s all made up.
Nobody saw this coming. After years of complaining about the lack of student support for Washington University athletics, the student body has changed its ways. Due to the recent success of the Bears’ baseball team, which proudly boasts a record of 19-4, students have flocked to the field to watch. Crowds were being reported in the tens of thousands as recently as this weekend.
In order to compensate for the lack of seating, the roofs of Lien, Gregg and Nemerov Houses have been packed. Engineering students have recently installed seating bolted into the rooftops of the aforementioned buildings. Furthermore, students of Lien who have windows facing Kelly Field have began to auction off their rooms so that people can look out the windows.
“I sold six spots in my room for $150 dollars each,” said Lien resident Nate Frogge. “I have started taking offers for this coming weekend’s games against Knox and they are coming in at around $200-300 a pop. I’m making a killing.”
After a student fell off the roof of Gregg last week as the Bears upended Elmhurst College 11-4, the University has been forced to take action to avoid any possible lawsuits that might arise.
Since then, Brookings has been in talks with the front office of the St. Louis Cardinals to find a solution. On Wednesday, the two sides reached a deal to make the new Busch Stadium the future site of all Bears home games. The brand new facility seats 46,000 people, just big enough to satisfy recent demand. Due the Bears’ increase in popularity, interest has arisen in taking Wash. U. baseball to Division I, but the administration is reportedly still not interested.
“We are committed to academics, and even though the overwhelming majority of the student body would like to see us in Division I, we just don’t care,” said Chancellor Mark Wrighton.
Star pitcher senior Brent Buffa (5-0) and shortstop captain Ryan Corning (.500 BA, 20 RBIs, two HR) have jersey sales hitting an all-time high. A recent study reported that Buffa’s and Corning’s jerseys are now second and third, respectively, amongst jerseys sold in St. Louis. Only Albert Pujols’ No. 5 is currently flying off the shelves faster.
“Corning is just so dreamy,” said junior Alexis Robinson, donning his No. 5 jersey. “His body is sculpted from angels and his eyes are mesmerizing. He looks so hot with his tight baseball pants and cute baseball hat. He’s just such a dreamboat.”
The Cardinals’ home opener is set for April 10, and Cardinals officials are reportedly allowing the Bears to play anytime the Cardinals are away. A Cardinals’ spokesperson said that as long as the games draw a minimum of 25,000 fans they can continue to hold the games there. This should not be a problem, as the recent crowds have been estimated between 30,000-40,000.
Many St. Louis natives are outraged about this recent news.
“I think it is great that Wash. U. students are supporting their athletics,” St. Louis citizen Chris Halenkamp said. “But it’s bullshit. St. Louis is a Cards town and this is their stadium. How can you let kids play in the new stadium before the Cards? Who the hell are the Bears? The only Bears we know are from Chicago, and we hate Chicago.”
Although controversial, this decision marks a monumental day in Washington University athletics. The football program is currently talking to Rams’ officials to inquire about the availability of the Edward Jones Dome on Saturday afternoons.