Justin DavidsonAlthough he’s a newcomer to the world of online poker, sophomore David Barlow is no amateur. Since his early days of high school poker, Barlow has always been a fan of the game.
“Back in high school, poker was always a great way to just hang out with friends. It was a great social atmosphere and something I always loved doing,” he recollected.
It wasn’t until last semester, toward the end of November, that Barlow decided to take the plunge and put both his bank account and his respectability in the poker world on the line by joining Party Poker, an online poker program that allows its users to play with real people and with real money.
“It was appealing mainly because I’m a lazy sack of crap,” said Barlow. “I could procrastinate doing my work, play a silly game I enjoy and make some money at the same time. With me, I tend to get obsessed with certain games, whatever they may be, and so I figured that if I had to get hooked on something it might as well be something more productive that I can make some money off of.”
Barlow accredits his success in online poker and his initial leg up into the poker scene to his friend and mentor sophomore Alex Schwartz. You may remember Schwartz as being the first Poker Player of the Week back in November and as the Student Life columnist who brings you his zany poker stories in the anecdotal “Diary of a Poker Player.”
“Alex has brought me from being a horrific player to someone who isn’t afraid of anything involving poker,” said Barlow. “My fondest memory of his training and his teachings came during my second week of online play when he forced me to play blindfolded and only choose the action of ‘raise’ based on my feel of the cards. He truly is the wise master.”
Barlow walked away from that two-hour blindfolded session with an extra $87.50 in his bank account, clearly demonstrating both his and Schwartz’s prowess for the game of poker.
Since Barlow’s venture into online poker, he has turned his initial $50 investment into a little over $2,000 in less than three months of play. The largest single pot he can remember winning in this time is a $96 jackpot when he hit a set of quads (four of a kind) after being dealt pocket fives.
“Oh man, that guy thought he had me beat with his straight, but I was all over him like my Madden 2005 Baltimore Ravens were all over the Rams in last season’s Super Bowl. He didn’t know what hit him!” he said.
Many of Barlow’s closest friends and family have mixed opinions about his poker endeavors.
“My mom thinks I have a gambling problem,” he said. “But she says that as long as I keep winning money and she doesn’t have to buy new underwear for me, it’s alright. My girlfriend, Kami, thinks I’m crazy.”
Barlow argues that he is not actually gambling with his money.
“There are a lot of stupid people that have money, and it should be taken from them,” he joked. “I expect to win whenever I sit down, so I don’t see it as gambling away my money but rather as working for some profit.”
Sophomore friend Harrison Moffitt doesn’t really care what Barlow does with his own money while playing online.
“In the end, it doesn’t matter if he has a gambling problem or not. In the end, he’s still a worthless blob who’s bent on elitism and transforms into a kleptomaniac when under the influence,” said Moffitt. “He just takes up mass.”
When not being a “worthless blob bent on elitism and drunken kleptomania,” Barlow dabbles in academia occasionally, trying to figure out what he’s going to do with studying economics and Islamic history. He’s also a proud employee of Wash U Wash, the campus laundry service. Next year, Barlow hopes to own Wash U Wash with another group of investors in an attempt to put his hard-earned poker money to actual use.
“Most of the money I make stays in my bank account, and I don’t really spend it. I’m looking into buying a new computer since my old one crapped out on me because I played too much poker…But, it’s good to know that if we do buy Wash U Wash next year, my money will actually go to some good use.”
In the future, Barlow hopes to correct some of the misdoings that have come about due to his excessive poker play.
“For one, I’m going to make an effort to curb my language at the computer screen while playing,” he said. “My roommate always knows when I’m playing when he hears me yell ‘@#$^&!# bleeding ^%&$($#!’ Second, I’m going to stop being so nocturnal; during the last three weeks of last semester I was consistently going to bed at around six or seven in the morning and sleeping until about four in the afternoon. Needless to say, I missed a lot of class during those last three weeks. And last, I’m going to stop being such a schmuck with my schoolwork and not sleep through any more of my tests. The highlight of my academic life came last week when I stayed up for 32 hours straight, took a nap before my test and then slept through three different alarm clocks, managing to sleep through my midterm.”
Barlow still plans on playing online poker and winning money from it. His interview came to a close with a comment that emulated Minnesota Vikings wide receiver Randy Moss: “Straight cash, homie!”
For any fellow poker addicts who wish to take on this sultan of swagger, you can find Barlow under the Party Poker alias “Provost623.” He’s always up for a good challenge and an ass-whooping.