It was a big week for the NFL with two major news items. First, the NFL announced it had implemented a new penalty policy for when “two or more players engage in prolonged, excessive, premeditated or choreographed celebrations.” In the wake of that announcement, NFL commentators speculate that the NFL will retroactively assess the new penalty on the Janet Jackson/Justin Timberlake Super Bowl halftime show fiasco.
In the second news item of the week, the recent court decision to allow underclassmen to enter the NFL draft may be reversed. A rule barring underclassmen from the draft had been successfully challenged by Ohio State running back Maurice Clarett who claimed the law was a violation of antitrust laws and denied him the opportunity to work. Now though, the NFL has appealed that decision to a higher court and the draft eligibility of Clarett and other underclassmen like USC wide-out Mike Williams may be in jeopardy.
While I obviously feel sympathy for Clarett and Co. (it’s tough waiting that extra year for your first signing bonus), their bust may be my boon as their unfortunate predicament presents a unique opportunity. With NFL talent evaluators keying in on underclassmen and these same underclassmen potentially no longer available to them, a void has formed. I knew what I had to do do…
Dear Mr. Paul Tagliabue,
I am writing to you to declare my eligibility for the NFL Draft. I am a junior of good standing at Washington University in St. Louis in the Olin School of Business.
While I do not play football currently and have no actual football-playing experience, I do have extensive experience on both the Madden and NFL 2k video game series. In addition, I have mastered the slo-motion in ESPN’s NBA Basketball video game.
My skills are not limited to the video game world, however. I also bring a variety of athletic talents. While I have never been officially clocked in the 40, I estimate that my time is somewhere between four and eight seconds. Also, I have never been defeated in a race to the Good Humor ice-cream truck. Though I admittedly possess poor footwork, I’m always been good at picking up stuff from the bottom of the pool with my toes. Finally, I have nearly 20/20 vision.
With these obvious physical gifts, I feel as though I am well-suited for play at any position. I currently have no training at any position formally, but running, catching, and tackling seem pretty basic. My relative inexperience at the various positions isn’t a weakness; it just means I’m more versatile. It actually allows me to be more innovative in my play since I won’t be bound by any preconceived notions of proper play for a position. For instance, at wide receiver, I could revolutionize the position with my new wait-for-the-ball-to-come-to-me routes. At linebacker, I could be the first practitioner of passive resistance tackling. The opposition wouldn’t know what hit them.
But a player’s worth cannot be measured solely by his ability on the field. Character and integrity must be key considerations as well. Off the field, I have been an upstanding citizen and active in the community. I have frequently volunteered my time here as a judge in local wet t-shirt competitions. I have never been arrested and don’t have a problem with drug testing-as long as Claritin remains on the list of ok’ed drugs.
For these reasons, I hope that I am considered on draft day.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Jeff Novack
[email protected]
112 Kelly Street
St. Louis, MO
63130