With Valentine’s Day and NBA All-Star Saturday Night both tomorrow, sports lovers will be left with a difficult decision: miss out on fun events like the dunk contest or risk alienating their significant other. While I do not face this dilemma this year, I know there may come a time in the future when Tivo’d episodes of Seinfeld and White Castle no longer provide sufficient companionship. But would a relationship mean dooming myself to a future without the Three Point Challenge? Surely, there has to be a better way.
But could a romantic evening for two be combined with a night of NBA All-Star action? Could these two wholly different activities be reconciled? Could Shaq score another headlining role in a feature film? With the answers to these questions obviously being yes, yes, and “Ok, ok. You got me with Steel and Kazaam, but come on, Blue Chips- Blue Chips was alright,” I was ready to begin planning for what could amount to be a defining moment, not just for me, but for an entire generation.
NBA All-Star Saturday Night kicks off at 8:30 p.m. on TNT with a new event, the RadioShack Shooting Stars. In the event, NBA and WNBA players team up to compete in a shooting contest. You’ll want to set the mood right. Score points with your date while remaining true to your team by purchasing scented candles that match your favorite team’s colors.
The Shooting Stars is followed by the 989 Sports Skills Challenge in which point guards make their way through a gauntlet of dribbling, shooting and passing obstacles. Last year, New Jersey Nets guard Jason Kidd won the event. This may be a good opportunity to share with your date the fact that Kidd blows a kiss to his wife before every free throw attempt and that you could envision you and your date in a relationship as loving as that one day. Of course, mentioning the domestic abuse incident which caused Kidd to be traded to New Jersey is entirely optional on your part.
When the Skills Challenge has been completed, prepare yourself for the Foot Locker Three-Point Shootout. Sacramento Kings forward Peja Stojakovic will look to win the event for the third year in a row. And as we all know, nothing says I love you like Peja Stojakovic. Given Stojakovic’s marksmanship and past success, you’ll probably be seeing a lot of him in this event. Inform your date of how Stojakovic grew up on the streets of war ravaged Serbia-Montenegro. This is a good chance to remind your date of how fragile and short life can be and how we have to make the most of the time we have. This heartfelt talk may be accompanied by light cuddling or holding hands for ancillary effect.
While the Three Point competition is certainly exciting, the Slam Dunk competition really is the biggest event of the night. Though Golden State Warrior Jason Richardson is an accomplished dunk artist and will try to win his third contest in a row, the bigger story is that Cleveland Cavalier rookie Lebron James may participate in the event. Also participating in the dunk contest is former James teammate and now Boston Celtic Ricky Davis. Davis, you’ll want to tell your date, is best known for shooting on his own basket in a vain effort to get the rebound and get a triple double (at least 10 in three statistical categories). Casually mention to your date that shooting on your own basket (though it should not be penalized) really is not the same as scoring on an opponents’.
Finally, you’ll want to get the mood just right with a little music. But don’t get out your Barry White just yet. No, they’re playing basketball this evening so bust out the old Kurtis Blow hit, “Basketball” (you may be familiar with the Bow Wow cover). Your date will melt to the sweet sound of Kurtis Blow as he serenades you with, “I like Slam-dunks, take me to the hoop, My favorite play is the alley-oop. I like the pick-and-roll, I like the give-and-go, Cause it’s Basketball, with Mister Kurtis Blow!” With Mister Kurtis Blow on your side, it’s game over.