For those of you who were not at WU before 2000, Student Life sports used to have a feature every week known as “Face Off,” where three students sat around and BS’d about sports topics.
In homage to those three nuts, we go retro and offer you the 2003 version.
Daniel Peterson: Wasn’t there a Pankaj doing this the last time, too? Where is Mr. Sharma anyway?
Pankaj Chhabra: Would you settle for a Chhabra?
Nick Sreshta: I think you were fascinated with Sharma, DP. He’s gone now… face it.
DP: It’s better than being fascinated with the Houston Astros’ starting rotation. Ohhhh!!
NS: Roy Oswalt will have my children.
NS: Do you guys think the opening week of baseball is a little melodramatic? I mean, how many times do we have to see that Reggie Sanders on pace for 250 RBI?
DP: And where is Karl ‘Tuffy’ Rhodes when you need him?
PC: Yeah, but being melodramatic is a pastime-just like opening week.
DP: Okay, here’s my All-Time Seinfeld baseball team: Paul O’Neill, Danny Tartabull and Keith Hernandez. They could take any three players in the game today.
PC: If they were managed by Buck Showalter.
NS: Pauly O’Neill was clutch in that episode… he should have gotten an acting career after that performance: “He wasn’t dumb enough to promise two home runs.”
DP: Pauly Shore should have promised us a sequel to Biodome.
NS: Encino Man was by far his best movie… followed by Son-in-Law.
PC: That chick in Son-in-Law was HOT!!!
NS: If by chick, you mean the chickens on the farm in the movie, then… wait, that isn’t funny.
DP: Neither is the state of the Chicago Bulls’ front office.
NS: PC’s role model, Jerry “Tubby” Krause, resigned as GM of the Bulls, eh? I heard he ate Jay Williams’ game, too. That’s why he’s no good anymore.
PC: I guess you’re right… Tubby eats everything.
NS: Including all the food Tyson Chandler was supposed to bulk up on. He hindered the Baby Bulls’ growth.
DP: I heard they’re putting a statue of him outside the United Center… Jerry Krause, frozen in time forever, kissing the feet of Michael Jordan’s statue.
NS: Jesus… they might need to redesign the streets to fit that statue in.
DP: We get it. He’s was overweight.
PC: The perfect combination: Krause managing, Tubby Smith coaching and Oliver Miller playing.
DP: Better Miller: Anthony “Pig” Miller or Oliver Miller?
NS: Cheryl Miller.
PC: Better name: God Shamgod or Priest Lauderdale?
DP: Sorry, I gotta go with Ed Pope. He tops them all. Well, not God, I guess.
NS: I knew a guy in elementary school named Phil Rabbi…
DP: Enough about religion. Is it just me, or are hot women and beer all that Indian guys care about these days?
PC: We do like both, but then who doesn’t? What about hot men and beer?
DP: Hot men and beer? Sounds like the Milwaukee Brewers… on a good night.
NS: Hot beer? Eww.
DP: You know, they call him Richie Sexson for a reason.
NS: Are you following him PC? Because I’m not.
PC: Nope.
DP: Let me spell it out for you, the word “sex” is in his name.
PC: Haha, I get it now.
NS: Wow, and this conversation has reached a new low.
DP: They also call him Ben Sheets for a reason… he only does it on top of the sheets. At least that’s what Mike Piazza told me.
NS: Speaking of Piazza, do you think he really uses 10-10-220?
DP: 1-800-CALL-ATT is a perfectly good alternative.
PC: I think Piazza banned Guillermo Mota from using 10-10-220.
NS: I’ll stick with 1-800-COLLECT. Alyssa Milano used to do their commercials, and Who’s the Boss was the best show ever.
DP: WHAT are you talking about, Willis?
PC: That was Different Strokes, moron.
NS: I pity the fool who makes fun of old TV shows.
DP: I pity the fool who reads this whole column.
Until next time, remember to have your fun and eat it, too!