To ape Jerry Seinfeld, “What’s the deal with all the BEARS?!”
I’ve never really understood why Washington University (in St. Louis, mind you) had a Bear for its mascot. Don’t get me wrong, bears are cool and all, but I have never actually seen a bear casually stroll across the Hilltop campus. I didn’t even see a bear in the St. Louis Zoo the one time that I visited.
I’ve been to WU football games, and there’s no loveable bear named “Grizz” patrolling the sidelines. The closest thing that I’ve ever seen to a bear on campus was nothing more than a hyperactive RA wearing a ratty bear costume from the 1970’s at a Homecoming game.
The puzzling debacle of our mascot and its mystifying moniker set me off into a fury of mostly fruitless research and investigation.
First, several species of bears are native to North America. These include:
The Black Bear: These bears are often referred to as, “The cutest of all bears.” The Black Bear is native to the forests of Alaska and Canada, and is found exclusively in North America. The fattest black bear ever weighed 876 pounds . . . I guess they named Bear’s Den after him.
Brown/Grizzly Bears: As close as I can tell, our own logo is intended to be the head of a Grizzly Bear. These bears are native only to the states of Alaska, Idaho, Wyoming, Washington, and Montana. On a side note: the heavier a male is, the better chance he has of successfully breeding with a female.
Polar Bears: These tundra dwelling sweethearts inhabit only the arctic regions of northern Alaska. I don’t think they would like July in St. Louis very much at all. As for eating, 150-pound meals are not uncommon for these furry connoisseurs of seals.
But alas, this is not a column about zoology; it is a column about sports. A team’s nickname should inspire courage in its players and strike fear into the hearts of the opposition, as well as reflect some aspect of the local culture or environment.
So why did WU dub the Bear to bear the mascotting load for such a fine institution with such a top-notch athletic program?
The earliest nickname for WU was actually the “Purities.” This apparently had to do with our stringent academic code at the turn of the century.
Thank God we’ve abandoned that code.
In 1905, WU replaced the not-so-hip nickname of “Purities” with the “Pikers.” The term Pikers came from the 1904 World’s Fair. The pike was the stretch of Lindell Blvd., running between DeBaliviere and Skinker, along which all of the Fair’s amusements were located.
In the 1920’s, the term piker came to mean a gambler with little money and a negative reputation. This connotation simply did not suit a school with so many different casino nights and a multitude of gambling boats just down the road.
So, in 1925, good old Student Life put the issue of mascot naming into the hands of the student body. Our friendly little Bear ruthlessly beat out rival mascots such as the Eagle and Bearcat, with a decisive 320-106 vote.
As you may have noticed, WU students and administrators pride themselves on being unique individuals. We are a diverse institution, and there’s no place in the world quite like us. The Bear, however, is one of the top ten most popular mascot names in the nation. Thirty-one different institutions claim the Bear as their mascot.
With that in mind, I propose some new nicknames for WU’s athletic teams, complete with meaningless justifications.
The WU Sadness: This is definitely my choice for our new nickname. It’s unique, it’s modern, and heck, it’s not even plural! It does, however, sound like a rejected team name from the XFL. Still, nothing quite encapsulates the feeling of junior year so accurately.
The WU Hikers: This name is good for several reasons. First, it rhymes with Pikers, our previous nickname. Secondly, it’s a nice compliment to the tuition hikes that we suffer every year. Bonus: Everyone gets to stick their thumbs in the air like hitchhikers before kickoffs at football games.
The WU WILD: Yes, I know it’s already the name of our biannual concert/party/excuse to drink in the afternoon. If we put so much money into it though, shouldn’t our school always promote its name? Maybe then we could really get Jimmy Eat World to come. Bonus: It’s also the name of Minnesota’s NHL franchise.
The WU Debt: This one sounds like an XFL or WNBA name, too. And as we pay off our own debts to WU, we’ll remember just how thankful we are for the wonderful education that we received here.
The WU Missourians: A name that is inspired by my hometown’s new NFL franchise, the Houston Texans. It’s not the most creative name, but, is this the Show-Me State, or ain’t it?
The WU Thin Crusts: New York and Chicago are equally famous for their distinctive styles of pizza. Their pizza is delicious. St. Louis pizza, on the other hand, is often described as “thin crust” or “cracker crust.” Not so good. If you don’t believe me, go down to Imo’s, and check it out.
To leave with you some final, spiteful suggestions, I offer these from our very own University Athletic Association:
The WU Daisies: Just to spite the Violets of NYU.
The WU Reds: Just to spite the Maroons of the University of Chicago.
The WU Spartans: Just to spite the Tartans of Carnegie Mellon University.
contact Daniel at [email protected].