To the reader: This article originally appeared in Student Life’s annual April Fools’ issue. Please don’t take anything in it as fact. We made it all up.
We all remember the moves Barry Sanders made as a running back for the Detroit Lions-but this was a sidestep not even a Pro-Bowl linebacker could have expected.
In an unheard-of jump from professional football to professional basketball, the second-most successful running back in the history of the National Football League has reportedly signed a tentative contract to play hoops with the Detroit Pistons of the National Basketball Association.
Sanders could not be reached for comment, but his father did meet with the media Sunday in London to discuss the surprising announcement.
“When he was younger, Barry was schooling just as many people on the court as he was on the gridiron,” said Alvin Sanders.
At Oklahoma State, Sanders was unable to go out for the basketball team because of his football obligations.
“He did play other intramural sports in college,” said Sanders’ father. “In fact, I think his freshman B league team took the championship. Barry played point and just rained threes. I’ve got it on video if you’d like to see it.”
It remains to be seen whether or not Sanders can expect to carry on the type of domination in the NBA that he displayed in the NFL. Questions regarding his size have clouded what the Sanders family hoped would be a momentous occasion marking the return to sports of one of its most
prolific figures.
“The bottom line,” said Barry’s dad, “is that Barry is back playing ball. It doesn’t matter what kind of ball it is, so long as he’s playing it..
You’ve all asked about whether or not he’ll be big enough to play in the NBA. Well I say, if a man is big enough for the NFL, how can he not be big enough for the NBA. When was the last time you saw Kevin Garnett’s legs?”
Throughout the press conference, Barry’s dad repeatedly defended his son’s decision to embark on a basketball career by saying that his son could take anybody in the NBA in a game of horse.
“That kid’s been shooting the lights out over the past two years,” said Barry’s dad. “He hasn’t been doing anything but shooting the basketball. Day in, day out. He’s got a gym in his house, you know.”
Just where Sanders has been hiding out these past couple years in his absence from football remains unclear. It does appear, though, that he’s kept himself in good shape. At least, enough so that the Pistons were willing to take a chance on him.
“This is a great achievement for our organization,” said Bob Stone, the assistant VP of the Pistons. “We’ve taken a few looks at Barry shooting hoops and we all said, ‘Thumbs up.’ A couple of us could hardly help from doing the Bob ‘n’ Weave.”
Yet, from reports of players leaving Sunday’s practice, the first practice that Sanders has attended since signing with the team, indicated that it would be a little while before Barry would be ready to lace ’em up and squeak the hardwood.
“I don’t know how many times we had to say, ‘No, Barry, you can’t run with it,'” said one player who takes a lot of shots but asked not to be identified. (Cough: Gerry Smackhouse!) Ahem.
Apparently, though, Barry’s straightarm is
working as good as ever these days. Three Piston players had to leave the court early for X-rays after being bowled over by Sanders as they prepared to take a charge in the lane.
“Barry looked good as far as running through guys,” said Pistons coach, Bo Kumars. “The thing that bothered me though was the excessive
celebrations he was doing after he crossed the
baseline with the ball. I told him, ‘Barry, if it’s a real game, you can’t spike the basketball.’ I mean, if we’ve got a guy out there spiking the ball, we’re going to get hit with all kinds of techs. Still, I think he looks promising as a point guard.”
One Detroit fan favorite this isn’t sitting well with is Pistons rookie point guard Matinee Cleaver, whose spot could be in jeopardy should Sanders find the handle his dad says he’s got.
“Hey, I used to like to watch Barry run through defenses as well as anyone else. He’s still spinning and juking, but he ain’t even dribbling the ball,” said Cleaver. “He did school me in horse, though.”