I remember filling out the housing forms before my freshman year and getting to the section about rooms. On the application, it said I could choose between a single, double or triple room. I thought it over, and for a few days, I thought the best thing would be to have a single room. After all, living at home let me savor my privacy by having my own room. I could come and go as I pleased, stay up until 1 a.m. listening to music and leave my possessions scattered across the floor. I reasoned that with a roommate, none of these conditions would be feasible.
Then, I thought of how much I would be missing out. Although I had heard horror stories about roommates who refused to clean up, turn off the lights at a decent hour or even attempt to acknowledge the other person’s presence, I refused to be intimidated. ?Therefore, I checked off “double” on my application and was assigned to a double room with a roommate and two suitemates in an adjacent room.
The first and most important thing to remember in roommate relations is to avoid letting pre-conceived ideas dictate how you’ll feel about the other people. If you walk into the dorm for the first time expecting the worst getting to know them will be a lot more difficult.
When I learned that my roommate was Hindu, a biomedical engineer and pre-med and had previously worked for NASA, I felt like hiding in a corner. Although I had many Hindu friends from home, I was Jewish and I didn’t know how her religion would play out in terms of our room atmosphere. Also, we were complete opposites; I was interested in English literature and psychology and could barely do math on a calculator.
Although I went into the dorms with a bit of hesitation as to whether or not we’d actually get along, I was pleasantly surprised by how well we lived together. Admittedly, we had entirely different schedules and goals, but somehow this worked in our favor. While she was off at a chemistry test, I could finish my English paper. More importantly, I didn’t feel like I was competing with my roommate for our shared space.
I also learned so much culturally and academically from my roommate. She explained the neurological system to me when I was completely lost in Introduction to Psychology and I edited her engineering paper. If you and your roommate are complete opposites, I recommend that you embrace the differences and try to learn from them. Don’t let yourself be intimidated; look at the experience as an opportunity, not a hindrance.
However, I was very lucky to get a roommate with whom I actually became friends. There were some people on my floor in other dorms who couldn’t stand their roommates. Or, they could live with their roommate, but didn’t have any interest in becoming friends. If this happen, it’s up to you to make the best of the situation. If your roommate throws their dirty clothes on your side of the room you can request a room change or you could talk to your roommate and involve your RA.
For the most part, my roommate and I had a good understanding, but there were a few times when we asked our RA to help verbalize our frustrations. Even the best room assignment can flounder on occasion.
Part of living with another person in such close quarters is learning to compromise and solve problems rather than avoid them. While it might seem easier to just start from scratch and haul your belongings to another dorm, it might be more satisfying and rewarding to try to get along with the other person. After all, if you can conquer the issues of living with a complete stranger, you can consider yourself well prepared to solve future rooming issues; i.e. those with family members or significant others.
And if you don’t find yourself becoming BFF’s immediately, don’t fret. Sometimes co-existing peacefully can be much more important, and possibly more beneficial, than actually becoming friends. You may meet your best friends through classes and extra-curricular activities, but at the end of the day you know you have a safe environment to return to.
The last piece of advice I have regards suitemates, which concerns those of you living in the newer dorms. I liked both of my suitemates, but as with my roommate, there were times of intense conflict. Most of our issues involved the state of our communal areas-taking out the trash or crowding out others’ personal belongings in the bathroom. Sharing a space like a bathroom becomes complicated, because no one wants to deal with a mess. But, if you divvy up trash duty and make some form of communication if you run into each other in the morning, you and your bathroom will never have looked better.
It might seem like this whole equation is dictated by luck. Some will get lucky and be paired with someone completely compatible while others might find themselves living with someone a bit more difficult. Either way, through the ups and downs of roommate relations, it is important to keep a level head, work through problems rather than avoid them and treat each other with the respect.
Luck might determine who you live with, but effort and understanding determine how you live with them.