Dan DaranciangPamela Anderson and a Starving Puppy
The night starts off a bit awkwardly when the puppy starts to hump Pam’s leg vigorously. It gets even more awkward when, at the end of the night, she instinctively makes out with him while they cuddle in bed. After losing her contract to support animal rights, tragedy strikes when she feeds the dog 200 pieces of bad chocolate and he collapses dead at the foot of their king-size water bed.
Kobe and a Random Unsuspecting White Girl
The white girl “makes up” a story to get attention about some antics that supposedly went down in the haunted house. Kobe buys his wife a $5 million diamond ring “just to make sure she knows how much he loves her.”
Godzilla and a Busy Japanese Crowd
Godzilla keeps trying to convince people that he’s really nice once you get to know him. But too many people refuse to believe him and take off running as soon as they see the 200-foot tall dinosaur stomping toward them and crushing everything in his path. The crowd sets a new world record for candy collection, systematically locating the best houses while simultaneously being motivated by the threat of near-imminent death from a Godzilla in close pursuit.
Chancellor Wrighton and the SWA
The SWA sets up a bunch of haunted tents and refuses to leave them until the end of the night, when Chancellor Wrighton finally works out a deal to raise minimum wage for on-campus workers by three Snickers bars and a bag of Twizzlers. Wrighton then makes a huge impulse buy, blowing his entire $594,000 annual salary on Halloween candy at Target.
Stephen Hawking and Jessica Simpson
Hawking explains to Jessica how her Louis Vuitton bag would be affected in a black hole, to which after hearing, “Why do you talk so funny, you silly robot man?!” for the 10th time, Hawking snaps and runs Jessica over repeatedly with his wheelchair. Celebration ensues worldwide, and the national IQ average rises five points from her loss.
Billy Graham and Tinky-Winky
Tinky-Winky repeatedly suggests blowing off trick-or-treating to run in a magical meadow with three tubby compatriots. Unfortunately, Graham has too much work to take him up on his offer. With millions of sinful demons roaming the streets, he continues a self-patented tradition of “trick-or-convert.” After much effort Tinky-Winky remains a non-believer, mostly due to his lack of understanding beyond his ten-word vocabulary (five of which are “la,” “hee,” “po,” “woo” and “yaaay”).
Pee Wee Herman and Michael Jackson
After spending five minutes together, they realize they are soulmates. They also realize that Halloween is their favorite holiday by far-for the candy, of course.