Monica O’Malley:
I’ve heard time and time again that due to basic differences between people, only a given percentage I meet will like me. Apparently, some just won’t, and I’m supposed to be okay with that.
I’m sorry, but I’m not okay with that. I understand I’m not going to please everyone but that doesn’t mean those displeased have to dislike me. I may not be on everyone’s favorite people list but that shouldn’t automatically put me on the other one.
Maybe I’m not grown up enough to realize the maturity in accepting one’s acceptance…or lack thereof. I’m still going to try to be everyone’s friend. I will not go quietly into the night, apathetically acquiescing to my un-likeability!
This is where I think our problem lies. People believe others won’t like them so they don’t bother to attempt a connection. An acquaintance, maybe even a possible friendship, is lost because of pessimism.
It doesn’t hurt to try to like everyone. Much easier said than done, I know. Believe me, I’ve worked alongside people who looked down on me since the moment we met and I’ve lived with people who loved to talk about me the minute I left the room. I wanted to get upset or call them out on it. Sometimes I did confront them, and often that’s all it took. It’s amazing how little misunderstandings or wrong first impressions can impede on possibly great relationships.
Perhaps the optimist in me just wants a world where everyone can love each other. Sadly, we don’t live in a fairy tale and Disney can’t write us all happy endings. The realist in me understands this. It just doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t try.
When Joshua and I first started corresponding, I wasn’t sure what was going to happen. We are two very different people with seemingly little in common, and that works for us. Had I just gone along with the notion that our differences would keep us from friendship, we wouldn’t be here today. But we are, because we wanted to be.
I don’t want to settle for a percentage of the population disliking me, and I’m not going to. I’m just going to keep on trying until I burn myself out…or become everyone’s buddy. Then maybe we can all live happily ever after.
Joshua Trein
My first two years at Washington University were a mixed bag. I started with a poor dating relationship, fell into friendships with a lot of rough edges and ended with a summer course in Organic Chemistry. I am surprised that I came back for another year, especially after watching Better Than Ezra perform at WILD.
After returning, I found it hadn’t become any easier to insert myself into the social scene. If you’re anything like me, a shudder accompanies thoughts of making new friends. Yet, somehow I found a way to circumvent my bad habit of assigning negative motives to those that didn’t take to me immediately.
I used to be so self-conscious at social gatherings that the first time someone would brush me off would be the only time I would let it happen. I would leave at the drop of a hat, something that never sat too well with my self-image.
I began to think a lot about how I talked to people when things went well and when they didn’t and I lucked onto a simple measure of social success.
I figure the math works out like this: something like 50-80% of people I meet will either not like me for some sort of reason (they don’t appreciate my personality), or will be generally indifferent to the prospect of talking to me (I merit a big fat ‘meh,’ for no particular reason).
Whereas I used to take it to heart when someone didn’t like me, using it in one of many impromptu pity-parties (you’re always invited! Loser!), I have now come to terms with reality. Not everyone likes me, and that’s okay.
I realize that sounds like I lifted it from a self-help book, and a cheap one at that, but this is a big step forward. I entered this school as an asinine eighteen -year-old, thinking the world ought to repay me for how awful my high school days were. Talking to all of you about loving myself is a future I never contemplated.
Recently I tried to explain to a friend why I now find it less anxiety-inducing to talk to people I don’t know. I realized that it never actually became easier; I just began to view the situation in a more positive light. Half the people I meet may not want anything to do with me, but I figure the other half just might.
When it comes to living inside one’s own skin, it is prudent to only fight the battles one can win: changing the world is an impossible task, changing yourself only seems like one.