Alyssa GregoryTo the reader: This article originally appeared in Student Life’s annual April Fools’ issue. Please don’t take anything in it as fact. We made it all up.
Alex Fak elected new president of SARAH
Student Libel opinion editor Alex Fak was elected next year’s president of the Sexual Assault Rape Action Hotline (SARAH) this past week. Because this position will entail more work and responsibility, he is resigning as a member of One in Four to make more time for the position. The election was a narrow victory over Patrick McKenzie, the only other candidate in the race. Current SARAH executives said both men had the experience and dedication to lead the organization, but Fak was elected because of his revolutionary new plans. Fak’s strategies for the student group include disconnecting SARAH’s phones and pagers and putting up flyers telling girls to “use common sense.” He also plans to change the group’s motto to “Help stop rape: consent.”
Encompetint Studant Libel copy editer fired
Outgoing Student Libel Editor in Chief Bernell Durough fired copy editor Dolly Mantos last week after it became clear that she had becaome lazy and was neglecting her duties on the studednt newspaper. “I tried to work with Dolly to help her overcome her pborblems, but it became clear that she just didn’t care about being part of the staff anymore,” said Dorrough. “She was just completliy ignoreing her duties.” Among Dantos’ recent mistakes were not catching the error “Wasington Universoty” and not bothering to correct the headline “Steve Fossett loves balls.” That headline was mint to read “Steve Fossett loves balloons.” To show Majntos that their were no hard feeling, Dorrough allowerd her to copy ediit the campus breifs one last time before she left.