“I’m going to college, you’re going to college. I’m still crazy about you, but let’s just cool it for the first semester and see how things go. We can just be friends, you know?”
The pre-college breakup. So unfortunately familiar to incoming college students, especially freshmen, who have to finally end things with a high school sweetheart or the girl next door. Or even with that cute guy from Chem class you never noticed until graduation and had eight really great dates with over the summer and just when things were getting good and settling in you had to leave for St. Louis while he stayed in Maryland.
Yeah, okay, that last one was kind of personal. But you get the idea. For many of us it’s our first real breakup, and it’s especially hard because oftentimes you don’t really want to break up, you just know you should.
Most people would agree that it’s best not to be tied down to a relationship at home when you go to college. You want the freedom to experience all aspects of college life, including dating, without feeling guilty. You want to be young and free and desirable (though that last part’s easier for some of us than for others, thank you very much).
Most of all, you don’t want to be miserable because you spend all your time missing the person you used to be with. all the time. Considering all this, “let’s just be friends” sounds pretty good.
But what exactly do we mean by “friends”? Do you really want to hear all about what your girlfriend has been up to with her Biology lab partner, or whether or not your boyfriend thinks the girl he passes every day on the way to Psychology class looks better than you do in a sundress? Theoretically, friends should be able to discuss all of this without feeling uncomfortable or, God forbid, jealous or insecure.
When you’re dating someone, you can talk about anything. It’s a shame that just because there’s a physical distance between you an important part of your life becomes suddenly “off limits”. This new awareness of having to censor yourself around someone you once shared everything with puts a distance between you far more real than geography.
More than anything, I want to stay close to my, well, “eight dates guy.” It’s not going to work if we avoid the topic that’s most on our minds-the other people we’re dating. (Not that I’m actually dating anyone else. What, you ask in disbelief? Has my door not been beaten down with offers from boys desperate to take me out for romantic picnics on the Quad?! If you talk to him, then yes, but otherwise…)
So I’ve decided to be honest. Sure, that first time when one of us asks haltingly, “So, are you seeing anyone?” is going to be awkward, but it has to be done.
We’re both mature adults, and I’ll be glad when we both find people at our respective schools that we can be close to and have fun with, and when we can share our feelings and experiences with one another without pettiness, insecurity or envy.
I just hope I find someone first.