To the reader: This article originally appeared in Student Life’s annual April Fools’ issue. Please don’t take anything in it as fact. We made it all up.
Jane Smith
How was your summer? What did you do? Did you go anywhere? Did you visit Mike?
Don’t the freshmen look younger this year? How many classes are you taking? What classes are you taking? Do you like them so far? When do you have lunch? What’s your major again? What are you going to do with that? Where are you living? Who are you living with? Do you like your roommate? What’s your number?
What are you doing this weekend?
Are you writing a thesis? Can you believe we are going to graduate?
Did you have fun at W.I.L.D.? Did you have fun at Fusion?
Are you doing anything for Fall Break? Did you see Diwali?
How was your break? What did you do? Who did you go with?
How are you classes going? Are you going abroad next semester?
Did you have fun at Eclipse? Are you going to dress up for Bauhaus? What are you going to be? Are you going to Sarah’s party before? How was Bauhaus? Did you dress up? What were you? Did you see the girl in body paint? Did you get really fucked up?
Are you going home for Thanksgiving? How was your Thanksgiving? Did you eat alot? Did you watch any football? Did you see Mike? Are you two still together?
What are you doing this weekend? When are you done with finals? Do you have mostly exams or papers? When are you going home? Are you doing anything? Are you going anywhere? Are you going to see Mike?
How was your break? What did you do? Where did you go? Did you visit Mike? Did you guys hook up a lot? Did you get a bid? Where? Do you like the girls?
How many classes are you taking? What classes are you taking? Are they the ones you wanted? When do you have lunch? What’s your major again? What are you going to do with that? Are you rushing?
Are you going to the Super Bowl party at Sarah’s? Who are you rooting for?
Do you know what you’re doing next year?
So did you leave Sarah’s party with Dave last night? So is he a good hookup? Does that mean that you and Mike are done? What are you doing this weekend?
Are you feeling better? How much does Health Services suck?
Is it cold or is it just me? Is it supposed to snow today?
How was your weekend? Did you get fucked up?
How is your thesis going? What are you doing it on? Are you almost done? Do you know what you’re doing next year? Do you know where you’re going to be?
Is Amy having fun in England? Are you going to visit her? Have you heard from Mike? Are you still with Dave? So you two are serious?
What are you doing this weekend? Do you know what you are doing next year? What are you doing for Spring Break? Can you believe how early break is? Are you going to Mardi Gras? So you and Dave are serious?
Is it hot or is it just me?
How was your break? Can you believe how fast the year is going by? Did you finish your thesis? Have you declared yet? What major? What are you going to do with that? Did you pick up your cap and gown?
Do you know what you’re doing next year? Do you know where you are going to be?
Did you go out last night? Are you going out tonight? What are you doing this weekend?
Are you going home for Passover? Did you go home? Was it fun?
Are you going home for Easter? Did you go home? Was it fun?
Who in your family is coming to graduation? Do you know who’s coming to W.I.L.D.? Do you know what you’re doing this summer? Are you excited about Thurtene? Are you in the play?
How are your classes going? Do you have a PF? Is it just me, or do the PF’s look really young?
Do you know what you’re doing next year? Where will you be? Will you be near Dave? Are you graduating this year? Just one major? What are you going to do with that?
What classes are you taking next year? Did you hear who’s coming to W.I.L.D.? Did you go to Heaven and Hell? Are you going to Sarah’s? Did you have fun at Sarah’s? Do you ever talk to Mike anymore?
Can you believe how fast the semester is going by? What are you doing this summer? Who are you taking to formal? What’s your dress look like? How’re you going to wear your hair?
Did you have fun at formal? Did you hook up?
Did you get the classes you wanted? Do you know what you’re doing next year? When are you done? Have you turned in your senior week form yet? Which events are you signing up for?
How was your interview? Did you get a signing bonus? When do you start?
When are you done with finals? What are you doing this summer? Where are you living next year? Who are you living with?
Can you believe we graduated?