Perhaps unwittingly, Gittle speaks the truth
Dear Editor:
As per Sam Gittle’s letter to the editor on Nov. 16, 2005:
The writer sarcastically proposes that “[n]ew ways to persecute minorities, Jews, gays, the poor and liberals shall be thought of at each [College Republicans] meeting.”
In his attempt to humorously point out stereotypes of Republicans, Sam has perhaps hit a little closer to home than he thought. I have news for you, Sam: you don’t need to brainstorm ways to persecute gays because your party already does so.
Your party, Mr. Gittle, works hard to enshrine my status as a second-class citizen. Because of your party, I cannot get married, will have to pay thousands of dollars in tax penalties when I do find a partner and will be left without legal protection from job discrimination.
If you think that is funny or worth satirizing, then I have a suggestion for you: live one day in my shoes. Then tell me where there is space for me in your party.
Matt Adler
Class of 2008
The College Democrats are active on campus
Dear Editor:
In his letter to the editor appearing in Student Life on Nov. 16, John Hewitt remarks that as far as he is concerned, the College Democrats does not exist on Washington University’s Campus. The fact is, the College Democrats continue to be one of the most active groups at the University.
In addition to weekly meetings, the College Democrats have held two issue-campaigns, one concerning funding for our troops in Iraq and the other urging our congressmen to save student aid. The College Democrats were vital in the election of State Assemblywoman Jane Bogetto, who came to speak at Washington University. Wash. U. Dems worked at phone banks for her campaign and knocked on doors in Kirkwood for three days, leading to Bogetto’s sixteen-point victory in a district that had not elected a Democrat in several decades.
Of course, the semester is not over and the College Dems still have a lot to look forward to. This Monday (Nov. 21), the College Democrats are hosting Campus Crossfire, a debate between the College Democrats, College Republicans, College Libertarians and Conservative Leadership Association. The topic is separation of Church and State and it will be held in Ursa’s Fireside at 9:30. Weekly meetings are held on Monday nights at 9 p.m. in the Barry Room (upstairs Wohl).
Lynn Eisenberg
President, College Democrats
Class of 2008
Campus men: here’s a solution to consider
Dear Editor:
I would like to thank Laura Schaller for her well-reasoned response to my chauvinistic and immature article, and I am proud to be a part of the Wash. U. community which allows for such an intellectually stimulating debate. Joy or excitement doesn’t come to mind; ululation bursts forth from my hairy man chest.
She’s right. There is a pressing need for extra-small condoms and other accommodations for the small penised in our society. The genitally disadvantaged often do not receive the type of recognition or attention received by the genitally advantaged, and they are often forced to endure hateful and bigoted speech.
I would therefore like to call upon Chancellor Wrighton – who I hear is simianly well-endowed – to assist in forming a new student group called Small Penised Tiny Satcheled Man Breasted Undersexed Ally (SPTSMBUA). There will be various officers in this group, and I would like to run for CIO (Chief Inadequacy Officer). The girls (and blow-up dolls) I’ve hooked up with on campus can verify my inadequacy, and I am told they will not only support me but donate money towards my campaign.
The first task of this group will be fundraising, and as there are very few groups asking for money on campus this should prove simple. We will go door to door from 1-3 a.m. and ask those inconsiderate cheap assholes of students to contribute to our cause. We will also sit in Mallinckrodt and Wohl Center and yell at students from the farthest possible distance, and, if they refuse to donate, we will tell them that they are personally responsible for the violent deaths of two puppies. SPTSMBUA will also become involved in community service projects throughout St. Louis.
This includes, but is not limited to, patronizing working women in East St. Louis, distributing small, extra-small, and Baldwin-sized condoms throughout campus and visiting local high schools to “mentor” vulnerable and impressionable young girls. This issue urgently needs to be inserted into the public discourse in order to facilitate increased intellectual intercourse within the student body.
And in response to the numerous e-mails I have received and will be receiving, I realize that I am infinitesimally immature.
Mike Tidey
Class of 2009
‘Jeopardy!’ winning, examined in depth
Dear Editor:
In the Nov. 16 edition of Student Life, Theatre Editor Robbie Gross writes that, “.so long as Cliff wagers no more than the second player’s score minus one, he will be guaranteed a victory.” This is simply untrue. Given that Cliff has greater than double the second player’s score, the appropriate rule for guaranteeing victory is for Cliff to wager strictly less than the difference between his score and double the second player’s score. Equivalently, Cliff must bet no more than one less than the difference between his score and double that of the second player. This is easily verifiable. In the same article, Gross later writes, “.given that Jayanth has so far received five out of the six possible Daily Doubles, much can be learned from Cliff Claven’s hubris.” On the contrary, if Jayanth had received no Daily Doubles, he may have much to learn. But given that he has more experience and has met thus far with success, it would seem that he has less to learn.ÿ
R. Gray Beck
Graduate Student, Business
Hewitt and Hoffmann, give it up; nobody cares
Dear Editor:
I am writing this letter in response to the serialized argument between John Hewitt and Steven Hoffmann. My problem is not related to the use of the n-word (which I find highly offensive), or to the name-calling (which I find really fucking lame), but is instead a plea to both parties to simply consider this:
NOBODY KNOWS WHO YOU ARE.
Now, that may seem like quite the overgeneralization, but I can assure you it isn’t. Before I wrote this letter, I decided to be fair and ask a few of my friends who Steven Hoffmann and John Hewitt were; predictably, none of them had a clue. Responses varied:
“Isn’t John that kid who pooped his pants on the quad?”
“Didn’t Steve sell me some heady nugs?”
“Who the fuck are those kids?”
As should be extraordinarily clear, however, none of the responses in any way, shape or form, resembled:
“Yeah, I know him/them!”
After my little experiment, it suddenly dawned on me that maybe, just maybe, my sampling was neither random nor representative. Thus, I took to the library on a Wednesday afternoon to ask 50 different people of all sexes, ages, races and creeds if they knew who these two goons were. Allow me to present my data:
Thirty-seven people (74 percent) had no idea.
Ten people (20 percent) only knew either kid from their lame-ass hissy fit in Student Life.
Three people (six percent) actually knew both and were offended that I had asked.
You hear that, guys? ONLY SIX PERCENT OF THIS SCHOOL KNOWS YOU.
Okay, so why is this a problem? Well, for everyone at Wash. U. NOT named Steve Hoffmann or John Hewitt, it’s not a big deal. But if you happen to have one of those names, it is. Why? Let me explain: If nobody knows who you are, and then you attempt to bushwhack campus by espousing whiny ultraliberal bullshit or horrendous racial epithets, you will undoubtedly get a pretty crummy reputation. I personally don’t care if you decide to shoot yourselves in the feet, but allow me once more to drive home my point:
Steve Hoffmann says the n-word -> people think he’s a huge fucking racist.
Joh Hewitt cries like a little baby -> people think he’s a commie pussy.
Very simple, gents. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some studying to do.
Josh Ellis
Class of 2006
Clearly the College Republicans aren’t white supremacists
Dear John Hewitt:
First of all, do you ever listen to yourself? Seriously. Your rebuttal to Steven Hoffmann is not only incomprehensible, but also irrelevant. You focus on Steven’s accusation that you are a nigger, which is only a supplement to his argument. You never make a successful case rebutting Steven’s accusation
of you being a libelist, nor do you justify your claim that the College Republicans are white supremacists. With Washington University being a predominantly liberal campus, the College Republicans deal with a lot of furor, but no one has gone half as far as to call us white supremacists. You yourself saw at our meeting that we’re not an all-white group.
And John, when you come to the Assembly Series lecture sponsored by the College Republicans and make a scene during the Q&A section, and then show up to the College Republicans meeting the next week, don’t think we’re not going to notice. We heard you loud and clear when you insulted David Horowitz, and we just sat back and laughed at your attempt to disprove John Stossel. So calm down and just remember, we’ll always have a place for you at our events and meetings. After all, it’s in our constitution.
Stacey Goodwin
Class of 2008
The Bunny should stay: a child’s plea
Dear Editor:
I visited Washington University on Thursday with my sister. My favorite part about your school is the anorexic bunny statue. Our tour guide Kristy said you might give it away, but I don’t think you should give it away. I think it should stay on your campus.
Elizabeth Porterfild
Age 7, 2nd grade
Park Ridge, Ill.