Dan DaranciangThe end of our tenure at Washington University can mean only one thing: it’s time to start planning the reunion. And for those of us who’ve managed to fulfill our cluster requirements in a mere four years, our first high school reunion is just around the corner. Preparing to leave college makes me think about how much I’ve changed since my last graduation four years ago.
When I walked into my freshman dorm room on the South 40 – a forced triple – the first thing I saw was a pen and ink sketch of the Virgin Mary. I looked across the room and saw “The Guide To A Simple Faith” by Mother Teresa. Panic set in. Was I at the right school? I thought everyone here was Jewish! I’d been expecting yarmulkes and old Bat Mitzvah t-shirts, not crosses and rosaries! And where on earth would I display my new yes-he-walks-on-water Jesus action figure?
During high school, I considered myself a very open-minded person. I had friends who were gay and I supported gay rights. My friends’ diversity would make admissions counselors drool: they were black, Hispanic, Arabic, Indian and Asian. One friend’s mother had come to the U.S. from Vietnam in a rickety boat, while another’s family had escaped torture in Iran to raise their families here. I appreciated my friends for the differences in their upbringings.
After a few weeks at Wash U, however, I started to recognize certain prejudices in myself. In high school, I’d railed against religion. I was stubbornly unwilling to appreciate others’ emphasis on faith. But in college I started to pay attention. My two Catholic roommates were so open to my beliefs that I could listen to theirs without becoming defensive. I learned that religion held their families together, providing them a common ground and a means of communication.
And despite that initial shock freshman year, I did end up meeting many Jewish people here. I went to Yom Kippur services and attended Passover Seders. People tend to assume I’m Jewish because of my name, and since arriving here I’ve learned more about my Jewish grandfather and made contact with some distant Jewish relatives.
My old high school friends would be surprised (and glad) to hear that I’ve come around. One of my roommates is an evangelical Christian. My best friend is Jewish. As the issue of religion comes to the forefront of our national dialogue, I know personally that I can befriend and learn from people of many different religious backgrounds. I’ve learned to appreciate the power – both cultural and spiritual – of a religious faith.
My friends’ collegiate experiences have been different but no less powerful. With my cell phone and thefacebook.com, I’ve kept in touch with quite of few of them.
Two of my friends took time off from school to enter treatment facilities for their anorexia. They were smart, hardworking straight-A students with resumes full of extra curricular activities. They went to top-tier universities. And when they came home for Thanksgiving freshman year, both my friends’ families were horrified at how much weight their daughters had lost at school. After taking a semester off, one friend had recovered enough to return to school. The other friend decided to leave her Ivy League university for good and stay near home. She told me that every day is still a struggle.
Another friend came out during her freshman year. In hindsight, this revelation too seemed so obvious I’m not sure how I missed it. My friend is now a leader in the gay and lesbian organization on her campus and is hoping to marry her girlfriend. Her parents are still trying to adjust to her announcement, but they love their daughter and I know they will come around.
Several of my friends expect to be engaged sometime within the next few months. They all are trying to balance a career with having a settled home life. I don’t envy them this decision; for me, freedom and mobility are essential to a successful career. I’m not ready to turn down an offer because my husband already has a good job in town.
While a large number of my friends are hoping to pursue graduate degrees, almost all have decided to take a year or two off before heading back to school. Some will teach English in countries across the globe, while several others have joined Teach For America. Others plan to travel until they run out of money. But all have grown and changed in college, and I am proud of them. They are interesting, smart, strong, unique individuals, and I’ll be glad to get updates on the things they will accomplish in the years to come.
As I assemble what looks to be a mountain of stuff to haul away from Wash U, I’m encouraged to think that, on some levels at least, I’ll be carrying less baggage than I brought with me.