Sexual politics is a two way street
Dear Editor:
I wanted to write in response to Grynberg’s column “Setting aside sexual scripts” and offer the viewpoint of a man attending Washington University and the sexual politics of my little part of the world.ÿWhile I do not agree that Viagra and its ilk are causing the kind of trouble she envisions, I heartily agree that what both sexes need is to find a better ground upon which to build a sexual relationship.ÿI’m no Casanova, but even from my limited experience I can attest to the unspoken pressure that has accompanied the beginnings of my sexual relationships with women.ÿ The pressure to have sex and enjoy it is often stigmatized as applying only to women, but it seems to me that both sexes reinforce such actions in one another.ÿWhether it was from lack of experience or too much of it, there seemed to always be a sexual timeline surrounding when and why we would be having intercourse.ÿ
This is not to say, though, that I am easy, and it certainly isn’t saying that anyone I’ve been with is, either; my point is that Grynberg was right with her first sentence: ‘Sex is not a natural act.’ÿ Intercourse is, and sex, in the sense of making love, is not.ÿ Sexually affectionate, emotion-driven love takes a lot more time to fully articulate than most of us are willing to realize in our minds, let alone in the real world.ÿ I’m not sure if it’s the culture or our biology (or even anything that simple), but sex seems to be pressed on us from all sides.ÿ I’m sure I’m not alone when I admit that I’ve had sex before I was ready in a relationship because it seemed to me like my partner was.ÿ The saddest part of that is what I know now-she was probably thinking the same thing I was, and we never called each other’s bluff.ÿ It is infinitely easier to have sex than it is to wait, but the mere fact that Grynberg wrote her article should attest to the truth of that.ÿ Her point about America obscuring the need for better sexual intimacy with quick-fixes cannot be ignored, either, as I seriously doubt that the conversational climate surrounding one’s sexual intimacy doesn’t get any less chilly as we all get older.ÿWhen was the last time you had a frank discussion about what you’ve done right and wrong for your partner’s sexual emotions, and for your own? If you can answer that question, you’re a better lover than most.ÿ All I know is that next time I get close enough to a woman that we start thinking about having sex, she and I are going to wait. And we’re going to get it right the first time.
Joshua Trein
Class of 2006