Scott BresslerPride. Glory. Ten bucks. All this and more are at stake as the Cadenza music staff lines up its picks for the 50th annual Grammy Awards, set for Feb. 10, 2008.
As Grammy Rumble 2008 commences, a couple of things are guaranteed: Corporate monopolism of mainstream radio will continue to reward popular music through the bombastic lauding of mostly formulaic music and someone will walk away 10 bucks richer.
“Honestly, I’m surprised these noobs even came back,” last year’s reigning champion and star Cadenza reporter Eric Lee quipped, before the Rumble started. “I pwned them so hard last year. These fools’ chances of winning are somewhere between slim and Amy Winehouse.”
Cadenza editor and benevolent overlord Brian Stitt disagreed. “Eric Lee certainly is my star reporter, but stories of his pwnage are largely overblown. His win last year was a fluke, nothing more.” Stitt went on to give his own predictions for this year’s Grammy Rumble. “I always like my own chances, of course. But other than my overwhelming awesomitude, I’d look to the fresh blood. Matt Karlan’s snarky sensibility should serve well, although look for Steve Hardy to surprise some people.”
A chill filled the February air as the Rumblers gathered on the battleground. Only one would walk awaay victorious, Cadenza having a strict “No Wimps and No Prisoners” policy.
Early favorite, Matt Karlan was taken out early with what appeared to be a low blow from Eric Lee. Despite an outcry from the crowd, no foul was called and the Rumble continued. No clear winner will be decided until the Grammys air this Sunday at 7 p.m. on CBS, but Eric Lee did not disappoint with another strong showing.
With ten bucks at stake, can you bear not to watch?
Rumblers:
Brian Stitt
Eric Lee
David Kaminsky
Stephanie Spera
Steve Hardy
Matt Karlan
Record Of The Year
1) “Irreplaceable,” Beyonce
2) “The Pretender,” Foo Fighters
3) “Umbrella,” Rihanna Featuring Jay-Z
4) “What Goes Around…Comes Around,” Justin Timberlake
5) “Rehab,” Amy Winehouse
LAST YEAR’S WINNER: “Not Ready to Make Nice,” The Dixie Chicks
Stephanie: Rihanna-they gave Milli Vanilli a Grammy, and they’re all at about the same talent level.
David: Party under my umbrella ella ella eh eh eh. Ten p.m. Friday night. Be there, Rihanna will.
Eric: I’ve waited a long time for a song about umbrellae. I believe those extra syllables deserve a Grammy.
Matt: Along with “Cry Me a River,” I’m impressed that Justin Timberlake could form another hit record using a phrase my grandmother repeatedly uttered to me as a young lad.
Brian: I think I remember that Beyoncé song from a commercial. I’ll go with that one.
Steve: Oh, Rihanna, you’re so cute, I don’t even mind that my 12-year-old cousin is singing that song like it’s not the worst genitalia euphemism.
Album Of The Year
1) “Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace,” Foo Fighters
2) “These Days,” Vince Gill
3) “River: The Joni Letters,” Herbie Hancock
4) “Graduation,” Kanye West
5) “Back To Black,” Amy Winehouse
LAST YEAR’S WINNER: “Taking the Long Way,” The Dixie Chicks
David: I won’t lie, I’m not into any of these albums so mine’s an anti-vote. Amy Winehouse is one of the most annoying songwriters to come around in years. Her voice, her lyrics, her life, EVERYTHING! I hate it all! Hopefully rehab will shut her up. Ugh!
Stephanie: Obviously Vince Gill. Who hasn’t heard of him?
Eric: Graduation. Ego, general lack of intelligence, healthy respect for the sweater vest. Everything I want in a human.
Matt: I’m partial to that Foo Fighters album because my bunk buddy made a lanyard for me in summer camp adorned with those same words.
Brian: Despite her ubiquitous tabloid presence, Amy Winehouse has the best album. Most of that credit should go to producer Mark Ronson and the stellar throwback arrangements. Check out “100 Days, 100 Nights” by Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings for the same musicians, different singer.
Steve: If you Wikipedia search Herbie Hancock, there’s a picture of him playing keytar.
Song Of The Year
1) “Before He Cheats,” Josh Kear & Chris Tompkins, songwriters (Carrie Underwood)
2) “Hey There Delilah,” Tom Higgenson, songwriter (Plain White T’s)
3) “Like A Star,” Corinne Bailey Rae, songwriter (Corinne Bailey Rae)
4) “Rehab,” Amy Winehouse, songwriter (Amy Winehouse)
5) “Umbrella,” Shawn Carter, songwritter (Rihanna featuring Jay-Z)
LAST YEAR’S WINNER: “Not Ready to Make Nice,” The Dixie Chicks
Brian: “Hey There Delilah”? Really? SongWRITER’s award? This is Tom Higgenson’s thought process while writing “Hey There Delilah”: “What rhymes with ‘you’? ‘Do,’ ‘to’ and hmmm, crap, nothing else. I’ll just use ‘you’ again. Hey guys, does anything rhyme with ‘fall’ other than ‘all’? Nothing? Sweet, let’s record this thing!”
Stephanie: “Before He Cheats,” purely for the dating advice.
David: We all know that after the popularity of this song, Delilah finally decided it was time to date singer/songwriter Tom Higgenson of Plain White T’s, but that’s just not enough.
Eric: “Before He Cheats.” Carrie Underwood shoots whiskey, takes a Louisville slugger to both headlights, becomes role model to millions.
Matt: Not Carrie Underwood. I don’t support preemptive strikes on any boyfriend’s crap, no matter how dastardly he is.
Steve: Plain White T’s, I’m not not voting for your song because it’s a travesty of aural entertainment, I’m not voting for it because you omitted a comma of direct address and I cannot vote for ignorance.
Best New Artist
1) Feist
2) Ledisi
3) Paramore
4) Taylor Swift
5) Amy Winehouse
LAST YEAR’S WINNER: Carrie Underwood
Brian: I understand that when the Grammys say new they are referring to the artist’s popularity and not the artist themselves. That being said, Feist released her first album in the 90s. Taylor Swift wins for Newest Artist at least.
Stephanie: Considering Paramore banded together in 2004, the word new doesn’t really apply to them either. So the Grammy should go to Amy Winehouse because anyone who promotes sex, drugs, alcohol and the beehive is a winner in my book.
David: Paramore is some catchy stuff, but singer Hayley Williams needs to gain some weight, grow some tits and write lyrics that reflect her age, not her emotional maturity.
Eric: Amy Winehouse’s lack of ability to focus on an object for more than five seconds will ultimately prevail over Feist’s questionable counting talents.
Matt: Let’s begin Amy Winehouse’s posthumous legacy about, I’ll guess, two months early?
Steve: Didn’t Amy Winehouse win best contemporary song in the Novello awards four years ago?
Best Female Pop Vocal Performance
1) “Candyman,” Christina Aguilera
2) “1234,” Feist
3) “Big Girls Don’t Cry,” Fergie
4) “Say It Right,” Nelly Furtado
5) “Rehab,” Amy Winehouse
LAST YEAR’S WINNER: “Ain’t No Other Man,” Christina Aguilera
Eric: Christina Aguilera has never lost this category in the last three years she’s been nominated. So I’m choosing Amy Winehouse. I smell change in the wind.
Stephanie: Candyman because I love that game. Oh wait, that’s Candyland…
David: Don’t care.
Brian: I like Feist. I wouldn’t say I love her, but she puts out a brand of wistful pop that I can get behind. And please, will someone explain to me how Fergie qualifies as a female. I’m not saying she’s definitely a guy, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she was smuggling some kumquats.
Matt: Fergie, because that face has dealt with so much meth abuse that her tear ducts no longer function. And so the song title is kind of a warning to other young boys who want to follow in his/her footsteps.
Steve: Christina was more interesting when she was a Disney slut, Nelly was more fun to hate during the “I’m Like a Bird” phase, Fergie was hotter before she grew an 8-pac and pissed during concerts and Amy Winehouse was actually born a human. Feist will be the last woman/man/alien standing.
Best Alternative Music Album
1) “Alright, Still…,” Lily Allen
2) “Neon Bible,” Arcade Fire
3) “Volta,” Bjork
4) “Wincing The Night Away,” The Shins
5) “Icky Thump,” The White Stripes
LAST YEAR’S WINNER: “St. Elsewhere,” Gnarls Barkley
David: Bjork’s strangely separated eyes make her look like the real “Earth Intruder,” but perhaps that’s why that song and the album it’s included on are so damn good. Along with that single, her duets with Antony (of Antony and the Johnsons fame) are testaments to how damn good Bjork is. Bravo my baby seal-eating friend.
Stephanie: Bjork, for the awesomeness that would be her acceptance speech.
Brian: When are they just going to bite the bullet and rename this “Best Good Music Album”? “Icky Thump” features some of the goodest music I’ve heard in a while so once again it gets my vote.
Eric: Lily Allen wins. Although having three nipples should be award enough by itself.
Steve: You know what’s totally alt-rock? 2 Kings 2:23-24. Look it up.
Best Rock Song
1) “Come On,” Lucinda Williams, songwriter (Lucinda Williams)
2) “Icky Thump,” Jack White, songwriter (The White Stripes)
3) “It’s Not Over,” Chris Daughtry, Gregg Wattenberg, Mark Wilkerson & Brett Young, songwriters (Daughtry)
4) “The Pretender,” Dave Grohl, Taylor Hawkins, Nate Mendel & Chris Shiflett, songwriters (Foo Fighters)
5) “Radio Nowhere,” Bruce Springsteen, songwriter (Bruce Springsteen)
LAST YEAR’S WINNER: “Dani California”, Flea, John Frusciante, Anthony Kiedis & Chad Smith, songwriters (Red Hot Chili Peppers)
Stephanie: I think it will be a tie between the Boss, that guy from Nirvana, that other guy from American Idol, the White Stripes and some lady named Lucinda Williams.
Brian: Sorry, the Grammys, I don’t get it. “Icky Thump” the song is rock, but “Icky Thump” the album is alternative? I don’t appreciate your ruse, and it shall not work. “Icky Thump” it is!
David: “The Pretender” isn’t a particularly fantastic Foo Fighters song, but I suppose they should get it or something. Just don’t give it to Mr. White and his gross facial hair.
Eric: I choose Lucinda.
Steve: Daughtry is a solid fourth place again.
Best Rap Album
1) “Finding Forever,” Common
2) “Kingdom Come,” Jay-Z
3) “Hip Hop Is Dead,” Nas
4) “T.I. vs T.I.P.,” T.I.
5) “Graduation,” Kanye West
LAST YEAR’S WINNER: “Release Therapy,” Ludacris
Brian: Once again the Grammys conspire to confuse me. All of these albums were extreme disappointments, except for Common’s, which was only a mild one. Jay-Z actually released a good album last year, “American Gangster.” Common, I guess.
Stephanie: I think my T.I. 84 should win. Kanye’s had a rough year, they’ll give him the award.
David: Kanye may have graduated, but T.I. said it best when saying, “There’s not nobody out there doing what I do as well as I do it, so I see myself as worthy competition for myself.” That he is. Whether he’s repping the T.I. moniker or the T.I.P. moniker, “T.I. vs T.I.P.” is off the chain.
Eric: Kanye in the easiest category of the night.
Steve: Anyone else think that Nas is in the market for a new publicist?
Best Zydeco Or Cajun Music Album
1) “Le Cowboy Creole,” Geno Delafose & French Rockin’ Boogie
King Cake, Lisa Haley
2) “Live: Á La Blue Moon,” Lost Bayou Ramblers
3) “Blues De Musicien,” Pine Leaf Boys
4) “Racines”, Racines
5) “The La Louisianne Sessions,” Roddie Romero And The Hub City All-Stars
6) “Live! Worldwide,” Terrance Simien & The Zydeco Experience
LAST YEAR’S WINNER: **NEW CATEGORY**
Steve: Strong group in this category’s freshman year (except for Lisa Haley, who sounds like a carpetbagging ne’er-do-well). You haven’t heard fiddle and accordion like this before.
Stephanie: I don’t know what I’m going to do if Roddie Romero and the Hub City All-Stars lose this one.
Brian: This Category is near to my heart, in that I like getting drunk on moonshine and eating reptiles. Geno Delafose has the better pedigree but Roddie Romero has a long history in the genre. He’ll take this one home. Seriously.
Eric: Oh my God, you guys don’t know ANYTHING about Zydeco. This is a joke. Obviously French Rockin’ Boogie.
Best Rap Song
1) “Ayo Technology,” Nate (Danja) Hills, Curtis Jackson, Timothy Mosley & Justin Timberlake, songwriters (50 Cent Featuring Justin Timberlake & Timbaland)
2) “Big Things Poppin’ (Do It),” Clifford Harris & Byron Thomas, songwriters (T.I.)
3) “Can’t Tell Me Nothing,” Aldrin Davis & Kanye West, songwriters (Kanye West)
4) “Crank That (Soulja Boy),” Soulja Boy Tell’Em, songwriter (Soulja Boy Tell’Em)
5) “Good Life,” Aldrin Davis, Mike Dean, Faheem Najm & Kanye West, songwriters (J. Ingram & Q. Jones, songwriters)(Kanye West Featuring T-Pain)
LAST YEAR’S WINNER: “Money Maker,” Christopher Bridges & Pharrell Williams, songwriters (Ludacris Featuring Pharrell)
Eric: Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
David: How could “Crank That” possibly not win? The Grammys are all about giving awards to bad music. At least this has started a revolution in the way crappy dancers strut their stuff when drunk.
Brian: I hope that Soulja Boy not only wins but that he supermans Kanye West at the after party.
Steve: “Crank That” isn’t going to win any awards, but it has spawned various sex acts named after superheroes. Aquaman, Spiderman, hell, even Captain America earned one. As far as I know, Batman is still waiting. Somebody get on that!
Stephanie: Wait, who’s Soulja Boy?
Best Rock Album
1) “Daughtry,” Daughtry
2) “Revival,” John Fogerty
3) “Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace,” Foo Fighters
4) “Magic,” Bruce Springsteen
5) “Sky Blue Sky,” Wilco
LAST YEAR’S WINNER: “Stadium Arcadium,” Red Hot Chili Peppers
Stephanie: Fingers crossed for Bruce Springsteen, because Cadenza’s Andrew Senter may commit suicide if he loses.
David: While not Wilco’s best, “Sky Blue Sky” is a nice album to listen to. It’s not going to “rock” but I think we all know how stupid these categories are.
Brian: I’m not even a Wilco fan and I give this to them for out-classic-rocking two classic-rock artists, in Springsteen and Fogerty.
Eric: Years of fighting foos finally pay off for Dave Grohl and Co.
Steve: Sorry, the correct answer is Coheed and Cambria’s Good Apollo, I’m Burning Star IV: No World for Tomorrow.