Dan DaranciangRecently, Venezuela’s populist government, led by nationalist Hugo Chavez, passed a new and quite bulky Social Responsibility Law, intended to further force the country to promote its own culture over that of other influential nations (including the United States). Hidden deep within this new policy is an addendum requiring all radio stations to play a significant amount of Venezuelan music. In fact, the law requires that at least 50 percent of all radio music programming must be Venezuelan, and at least half of all of that music is required to be folkloric. While the resolution has been helpful to traditional musicians, such as 71-year-old bandola player Anselmo Lopez, who has recently seen a huge revival of album sales, others, especially those in the capital of Caracas, feel deprived of musical options, including staples of American pop, rap, and rock. Radio stations have felt perhaps the most incensed by the mandate, and some have rebelled by playing folkloric music filled with vulgar content. As a result, we here at Cadenza have decided to take a look at what our American radio waves would sound like if a similar policy beset our own “purple mountains” and “amber waves of grain.” What would happen if we were no longer allowed to air our indie rock favorites and pop-rock staples? What would happen if all of our Marilyn Mansons and Britney Spears’s were suddenly wiped off the air-waves? The surprising results are below.
1. The Quakers-“Simple Gifts”
No one else rocks out quite like the Quakers. An American folk song staple, this song reminds us that it truly “’tis a gift to be free.”
2. Bob Dylan-“Times They Are a Changin'”
While Dylan’s work isn’t considered among traditional American folk songs, he was the voice of an entire generation, and his folk hit told others to quickly “get out of the new [road].” If you’re not with us, you’re against us. So tune your radio station in and prepare for lots of folk favorites.
3. Lee Greenwood-“God Bless the USA”
A classic, performed by artists from all genres, this American anthem declares loudly, “I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free” to listen to twangy country songs just like this one.
4. John Fogerty-“Centerfield”
It’s not a folk song, but it does sit atop President Bush’s iTunes list. And of course, what W wants, W gets. So in addition to this former CCR rocker’s slide into mediocrity, also look for hits from Joni Mitchell, Alan Jackson, and George Jones: all other W favorites.
5. Toby Keith-“Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue”
It may not be a folk song, but this country hit is probably the most nationalistic anthem we’ve got. With lyrics like “You’ll be sorry that you messed with the US of A/ Cause we’ll put a boot in your ass; it’s the American way,” this song promotes nothing but the pure patriotism, values, and truth this nation was founded on. In fact, I think George Washington had a similar battle cry when he crossed the Potomac: “Up yours, you Redcoats.”
6. Dexy’s Midnight Runners-“Go toora loora toora loo rye aye!”
An American folk favorite? The American folk song “Too Ra Loo Ra Loo Ra (That’s an Irish Lullaby)” was an American folk song staple, a 1944 hit for Bing Crosby, and the obvious (if unsubstantiated) inspiration for these ’80s one-hit wonders. An American folk hit or an ’80s pop hit? We’ll let you decide.
7. Elvis Presley-“How Great Thou Art”
Nothing quite says America like Elvis and Jesus. With W behind the wheel, the censored radio stations are sure to be cranking out even more of our gospel favorites. And who better to proclaim the good news than the King himself? Rock on, Elvis, rock on.