Let’s face it: there is no “Wash U” band. Which is not to say that there aren’t a handful of decent campus bands gigging around town; they just don’t possess the universal acceptance needed to be considered “our very own.” If they’re not too pop, they’re too punk, or emo, or whatever other moniker that might drive people away. But perhaps there is a way. Let me explain.
Back in the mid-’60s there was an explosion of bands with silly names, sillier haircuts and outfits and little or no technical skills. Encouraged by the success of the Kingsmen, who scored a huge hit with the ultimate retardo-frat rock anthem “Louie Louie,” and of course the Beatles, American kids got together, bought some cheap instruments at Sears, and bashed out stupid, three-chord songs which they hoped would win them a recording contract, or at the very least, girls. These bands often featured a semi-charismatic lead singer in the vein of a Jagger or a McCartney, and a backing band that could afford to be (and usually were) the ugliest cretins imaginable. They would play the college scene or local bars, cut maybe one record and then get sensible and become tax lawyers or gym coaches or whatever.
All this information comes from the various annals of rock, of course, and the music survives only in collections like the classic “Nuggets” boxed set. Needless to say, the phenomenon was obviously real and the spirit still lives on. If you can imagine a sweaty dance party, with the walls seemingly secreting watery beer and the audience absolutely united in the throes of rock ‘n’ roll ecstasy, this music naturally comes to mind. It’s not pretentious, not musically brilliant, and not even particularly interested in commercial success or looking “cool”-it’s simply about churning out classic rock ‘n’ roll and R&B.
This is the kind of band we here at Wash U deserve. A band that will play tunes like the Human Beinz’ “Nobody But Me” (featured in “Kill Bill, Vol. 1,” the song that proclaims, “Nobody can do the TWIST, like I do / Nobody can do the BOOGALOO, like I do!”) or maybe Sam and Dave’s “Soul Man” or Otis Redding’s “Try A Little Tenderness” (trust me, it can rock). If you crank the volume loud enough and give the lyrics that “I don’t give a fuck” attitude, songs like these are unbeatable.
This isn’t a new idea, of course. It’s the basic concept behind groups like the Blues Brothers, who made R&B palatable to aging baby boomers watching “Saturday Night Live,” and the entire “garage rock revival” movement of the ’90s. The do-it-yourself philosophy is also responsible for all punk music, but punk has unfortunately always been a genre of exclusivity, made by certain people for certain people. I’m advocating something entirely different. This would be a totally disposable band with no aspirations of commercial success. The point would simply be the spirit of it all and the ability to unite everyone, from the frat boy with the Bob Marley poster on his wall to the goth girl retreating into the comfort of her Cure. To help the process along, I’ve assembled a few examples of bands and gimmicks that have hopefully not been claimed yet:
1. Little Julius and the Caesars-Julius, I imagine, would be a little sparkplug of a front man, supported by Tiberius, Caligula and Claudius, with the possibility of Nero playing electric lyre. Roman togas and mock sacrifices all around, plus plenty of wine guzzling. The band could play a punked out version of “Ave Maria” (in the original Latin, of course) for the full effect.
2. The First Ladies-An all-girl outfit (yes, ladies should feel encouraged to take part, too!) decked out as some of our most famous presidents’ better halves. I’m thinking Barbara on lead vocals, Martha on bass and Ladybird on tambourine and Farfisa organ. Presumably a member of either sex could play Eleanor Roosevelt.
3. Chancellor Wrighton and the Glowsticks-Just to lend the fledgling band some credibility and good, old-fashioned school spirit!
I’m waiting to hear from many of you. Drummers need not apply-I’ll handle the skins. Let the college band salvation of Washington University begin.
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Sonic Reduction is the new weekly music column by Matt Simonton.