Jonah Weiss
When Abby Wilner graduated from Washington University, she never thought she’d make use of her psychology major.
And now, nearly five years later, not only is Wilner using her psychology knowledge, but an entire generation of young adults as well.
They’re known as “twentysomethings” and they’re in crisis. The “Quarterlife Crisis” to be exact, similar to the well-known midlife crisis, but bumped up a few decades. Wilner, along with Alexandra Robbins, her childhood friend from Bethesda Maryland, wrote a book of the same name, to make society aware of this ever-growing problem. Last night Wilner returned to her alma mater, to speak for the Young Alumni Association and at a gathering at Small Group Housing. She will be on campus through tomorrow.
Since the book’s release last spring, “Quarterlife Crisis” has attracted attention worldwide, namely because nothing like it had ever been written before. It was this very need, coupled with Wilner’s own crisis, that prompted her to suggest such a book to Robbins, a journalist.
“I had no idea what to do with my life,” the 26-year-old recalled last week from her home in D.C. “There were so many things I wanted to try.”
In addition, Wilner found herself in “shock” living back home with her parents. She had been so used to the social atmosphere at WU that the change was too much. Society leads us to believe that being in your twenties is one of the greatest times in your life. From her research and personal experience, Wilner sees it differently.
“Being in your 20s isn’t that easy,” she said.
As she went through her crisis, she realized every facet of her life had changed-an unsettling revelation.
“No one prepared me for that,” she said.
After four or five months, Wilner moved out and went through a series of jobs, before settling in-for awhile at least-as a website administrator, a far cry from her background in psychology.
Wilner knew her feelings of confusion and hopelessness were not unique. She approached Robbins about the idea of a book, who replied that she too was experiencing the same problems. Since they shared these concerns, the two women wondered how the rest of their generation felt. And they decided to find out.
Finding the Stories
In the book’s introduction, the authors explain their decision not to use “Generation X” but rather the open-ended “twentysomething.” Not only the name of Billy Idol’s band, “Generation X” was the title of a 1965 British self-help book and subsequently used by Douglas Copeland in his 1991 “Generation X: Tales for an accelerated culture.” But because this generation is seen has having no real defining moments, the name is arbitrary.
With Robbins focusing on the writing, Wilner set to work seeking out other twentysomethings, all having graduated college within the last decade. During the course of several months, she compiled responses from over one-hundred twentysomethings. Many replies came from an e-mail chain, in addition to randomly selecting alumni through universities nationwide, and some face-to-face interviews at parties and bars. Wilner found that most respondents hesitated to speak in person, hence the popularity of responses via e-mail. But the festive party atmosphere opened up some respondents, especially men, Wilner said.
She also wanted to include any relevant findings by psychologists to substantiate the Quarterlife crisis theory. So Wilner contacted all of the major psychological associations and found that their studies skipped over twentysomethings and their transition into adulthood. She said that some researchers are now acknowledging the idea of “emerging adulthood” as a phase comparable to the midlife crisis. But widespread knowledge is still a long way off, she said.
The Crisis Quota
Wilner hypothesizes that the Quarterlife crisis may replace the midlife crisis, comforting news for twentysomethings.
“The midlife crisis is all about change,” she said. “But once you’ve gone through your Quarterlife crisis and all of the uncertainties, and once you’ve settled down, maybe you won’t feel that need to change.”
This is even more of a reason to acknowledge the Quarterlife crisis, which no one-from the media to academia-has done, she said.
Familiar Findings
Wilner received many responses to her transition-based questions. She separated them into categories covering questions readers might be struggling with, such as “What if I’m scared to stop being a kid?” and “How do I know if the decisions I’m making are the right ones?”
Questions like these are central to the book’s organization and message. Rather than focus on one or two people and their journeys into adulthood, the book goes from topic to topic, in the hopes of eliminating twentysomethings doubts, one by one. In this case, doubts refers to the fact that twentysomethings struggle with the fact they are struggling. As Wilner and Robbins say throughout the book, it’s normal to wonder and doubt. And only through a widespread acceptance of that will solutions come.
The book jumps from topic to topic, mixing in several respondents in each section, showing the array of experiences out there. Responses are long (often a page) and maintain a stream of consciousness quality, implying the effect of this transition is total.
Mike, in law school at Emory, represents many stories in the book. No matter what the chosen career path, many twentysomethings seem to be struggling with being able to reconcile their hopes with the realities of life and circumstance.
“There wasn’t a set curriculum to follow for the first time. So you learn to be patient. I’ve always been a dreamer, so I had a dream in mind, but in terms of making it into a reality, that was another story. And I believe that if you work hard enough, things do fall into place; you just can’t always control the timing of when or how these things happen.”
After compiling the manuscript, Robbins and Wilner encountered problems finding a publisher willing to take on the project because of the target demographic. “Publisher’s kept saying ‘twentysomethings don’t buy books,'” Wilner said.
The original printing called for 6,000 books. Over 100,000 have been sold worldwide.
Twentysomethings need not purchase the book though to make use of it. The book’s website, maintained by Wilner, http://www.quarterlifecrisis.com, features chat, message boards, and links to contact local support groups for twentysomethings. The site receives 600 unique hits each day, she said.
Back at WU
When asked to sum up her speech last week, Wilner said she planned to tell everyone in the Small Group Housing audience, “what the real world is really like” and share her own experiences. One of her strongest pieces of advice is, “Don’t worry if you have no idea what you want to do. It’s ok to say ‘I don’t know.'”
Wilner recalled her own struggle with friends in the business school, for example, who were afraid to admit they didn’t know what they wanted out of life. The book echoes these thoughts, adding that twentysomethings evolve and change all the time.
She also wanted WU students to be aware of the experience-Catch 22. “No one will give you a job if you don’t have experience. And you can’t get experience unless you have a job,” she said. This situation caused Wilner to wonder why she went to such a good school, which many other respondents said in the book too. “The sad fact is that employers don’t care where you went to school,” she explained.
Will it ever matter where we went to school? Later on, she said. But not right away. She quickly pointed out another tip, taking into consideration all that she had just said. “Don’t panic. It’s not easy. People say life is hard. College leads you to believe you can do anything.” She went on to say-as the book shows-twentysomethings can only control so much. Much of our future is out of our hands.
For her two nights in St. Louis, Wilner will be spending them at Small Group Housing, where rooms are set aside for such types of visitors. “I hear the new dorms are really nice,” she said.
When told that she indeed, heard correctly, Wilner was quick to think of her fellow twentysomethings. “I think that’s so wrong. After having been there, [students] will have to go a step down when they graduate.”
Twentysomethings At a Glance
The average student graduating from a four-year private institution owes $15,000, from a public school, $12,500, according to the National Association of Student Financial Aid Administrators.
About 12 million adults 20 to 34 live with their parents, according to American Demographics magazine. “It’s almost expected,” says Rosanne Garfield, 27, who is trying to start a support group in the Washington, D.C., area.
The average American now goes through 9.2 jobs between ages 18 and 34, says the Bureau of Labor Statistics. More than half of those jobs were held between ages 18 to 24.
The U.S. Census reports the average age for a first marriage in 2000 was 26.8 for men and 25.1 for women, up from 24.7 and 22 in 1980. More than half of couples who marry live together beforehand.