People complain a lot about how expensive things are here at Washington University-tuition, books, carvery sandwiches, and the Chips Ahoy at Bear Mart. But one particular evening last year, this common topic of conversation was brought to a new height-or rather, low. I was in Bear Mart, scooping M&M’s onto my “fro yo,” when I heard two guys moaning quite obnoxiously about the number of points they would have to spend on their evening snack. I did not pay much attention to them until upon leaving the store, when I overheard their conversation with the woman who was working behind the counter. “Do you receive dental benefits for working here?” one of the guys asked. She quietly answered yes to the ridiculous question, bracing herself for the verbal assault she could do nothing to stop.ÿThe guy then replied, “Well, I hope that you’re brushing your teeth, because we’re paying for your cavities.”
I felt shock, anger, and shame simultaneously. I was livid that those two guys would have so little respect for the employee at Bear Mart. I was ashamed to admit that they and I were part of the same community. Had I missed the e-mail that said the lessons we learned in kindergarten about respect for other people no longer apply now that we attend Washington University? Are conversations and people like these the exception or the rule on our campus? Of course, I want to say, “The exception!” But I am not so sure…
The week before Thanksgiving, I was on my way to Holmes Lounge to meet a friend. Two guys I had just passed were walking right behind me. An attractive girl passed us going in the opposite direction, and she greeted the guys with “Hey! How are you?” The three of them chatted for a second as they walked past each other. Not a minute later I overheard, “Nice tummy.” “Definitely nice tummy.” I cringed. These guys just greeted the girl as their friend! How sad that she has no idea what they said about her only seconds after their interaction. Their conversation continues, “Man, she’s pretty good to bang. Yeah, she’s a good bang. But she’s one of those girls who you bang and then she just goes psycho.” My stomach completely flip-flopped. I turned around and said, “You guys are really disgusting me right now.” The one who had made the comment called out to me as I walked away, “That sucks, but that’s what guys are!”
The exception or the rule? How did I miss that e-mail?
It alarms me to realize that many who read this article will ask themselves, “What is this girl so upset about? People have conversations like that all the time-whether it’s in public or among friends over lunch, stuff like that gets said.”
But does that make it okay? I do not believe that just because comments like those may not be abnormal or cause discomfort for some, I should have to defend why I think such statements and sentiments are offensive. I feel that we at this university are so eager to have others sing our praises, through media attention, rankings, or various other accolades, that we miss something. We have pride in the programs our institution offers and hold our academics to a high standard, but what about the standards we set for ourselves, as members of a community? I was tremendously offended by both situations; the comments made were grossly disrespectful to the two women and to all women on our campus. I would hope that people who read this, and men in particular, find the guy’s defense of “that’s what guys are” extremely misrepresentative of how men do and should regard women. These examples represent sentiments, made by members of our community, that I feel should not be accepted, ignored, or brushed off as “just the way things are.”
What do I propose? Set higher expectations for those with whom you surround yourself. Demand personal respect from your friends, roommates, classmates, professors, and family for everyone in our community-no matter who they are or what purpose they serve in your life. As I apply to graduate school, I would like to believe that I will soon leave a caring and genuine community that treated me and others with respect, rather than know that our pride as a community rests on our national ranking, because we certainly were not number nine when I got here. I chose to be here because I recognized a community that I wanted to be a part of.