Hi, my name is John Schmidt, and with this sentence, I’ve gained immortality. This column is, so to speak, my philosopher’s stone, my Great American Novel, my legacy. Each time a future employer, romantic interest or curious acquaintance Googles my name, somewhere in the search results this’ll be there, and I’ll be reviewed on Yelp! accordingly because of it.
With a degree in the liberal arts, you get a lot out of the Sunday funnies. This last Sunday, on the front page of the Cincinnati Enquirer’s comics, Jeremy in “Zits” shows his parents a highly technical presentation he put together for a high school class. How much time did he spend doing it? “All together? About 20 minutes.” His parents’ response, and the punchline of the strip: “Stop the Internet. I want to get off,” his mom says with a dazed look. Responds his dad, “I fell off a while back.”