Scientists made most of their headway, looking for chemical signals called pheromones that are transmitted through the vomeronasal organ (VNO), a chemoreceptor in the nasal cavity present in mammals, reptiles and insects. By first studying predictable insects, specifically silk moths, in their sexual exploits, 1950s German scientists were able to isolate a chemical compound from female moths responsible for male response mating rituals.

According to the Howard Hughes Medical Institute, “after removing certain glands at the tip of the abdomen of 500,000 female moths, they extracted a curious compound. The minutest amount of it made male moths beat their wings madly in a ‘flutter dance.’” But how do these wildly-fluttering moths tell us anything about how we find our own mates?

Well, with the clear evidence that pheromones exist at least in animals with expected behavior, the prospect that humans are influenced by a similar genetic pattern is quite likely. With research on male golden hamsters and their obvious responses through the VNO to female hamster vaginal secretions at the Monell Chemical Senses Center in Philadelphia, more evidence pointing to mammalian sexual chemistry was identified. Further, the knowledge that women in close proximity begin to synchronize their menstrual cycles points to human sexual connection through something more scientific than environmental or physical factors.

In more contemporary studies, connection of the MHC (major histocompatibility complex) genes to sexual attraction has been identified in humans. According to Discover magazine: “MHC genes are the most diverse of all genes. In fact, they differ so widely from person to person that they constitute a molecular John Hancock, one that helps an organism recognize its own healthy cells, identify pathogens and reject foreign tissue.”

In this way, MHC genes reflect their carrier’s attributes and respond during a mammal’s sexual prime (from puberty through pregnancy) to MHC genes most dissimilar from their own. The effects of synthetic hormones (steroids, birth control pills, etc.) on changing responses of MHC genes are still uncertain.

Nevertheless, the existence of such genes and their chemical and neurological responses are significant markers of the reality of sexual chemistry—that is, a genetic formula working beyond one’s physical and mental preferences defined by societal norms. In plainer terms, there is truth to a science behind our sexual inclinations. Gary Brook’s “Centerfold Syndrome” and the existence of Megan Fox are not the only explanations of our attractions. Your genome is, too.

So here I am faced with Rule One of Attraction: It’s unpredictable. Sometimes it feels so completely, maddeningly and suddenly random. You just never know when it’s going to hit. For example, one moment I’m in a New Zealand bakery ordering an almond croissant and the next I’m all weak in the knees for the boy behind the counter (yes, he makes it into my top five). I don’t know how people manage to function when faced with the constant risk of these sudden bouts of insanity. I mean, what do you do when unbridled lust strikes when you’re out buying your morning muffin? I immediately gave my number to that particular bakery boy, but that wasn’t necessarily the most judicious or prudent behavior. Learning to manage attraction with class is a constant effort.

I’d like to think of myself as a girl blessed with good sense. I’ve known a small collection of guys whom I would have loved to love. These were good, quality guys­—smart, sweet, funny and considerate—who would have made outstanding boyfriends. But I just couldn’t make myself be attracted to them. This conundrum leads us to Rule Two of Attraction: It’s unmanageable. Control freaks everywhere, prepare to have the reins ripped from your grasping fingers. You don’t decide who you’re attracted to; it just happens (or doesn’t happen) whether you like it or not. It doesn’t matter how good looking or perfect some guy is; if the sparks aren’t there, you’re in for one icy cold night. You really can’t force it (believe me, I’ve tried). Unfortunately, there are two edges to this sword: Sometimes you are stuck being attracted to someone you’d rather not be attracted to. Pheromones can really be a pain sometimes.

But, as always, there’s an upside. For when powerful attraction meets with your good sense, the result can be simply spectacular. When, by some divine stroke of luck, you end up attracted to someone who makes even your most sensible impulses feel satisfied, the fireworks can fly regret-free. And that contented combination is so much better than anything you could have managed on your own. Rule Three of Attraction? It has the potential to be unbelievable.

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