In an era of bitter partisan strife, it’s easy to become disillusioned with the political process. But just last month, a petition arose so ingenious, so emblematic of the uniquely American tradition of leadership and innovation, that it single-handedly restored my faith in democracy. This petition called for the Obama administration to change our national anthem to R. Kelly’s “Ignition (Remix).” And why not? Our current national anthem is boring, a relic of a bygone era that is neither hot nor fresh out the kitchen. When’s the last time you heard “The Star-Spangled Banner” at your favorite bar or club? It’s stiff, stodgy and entirely unrepresentative of our rich musical history.

Robert Kelly, the self-proclaimed “pied piper of R&B,” is a cultural icon and according to Billboard, the best-selling R&B artist of the past 25 years. His singular combination of sex appeal and effortless swagger is an ideal to which we can all aspire; he is the American Dream. Sure, he may have been filmed urinating on a 14-year old girl, but who doesn’t have his flaws? Francis Scott Key, author of “The Star-Spangled Banner,” was no saint himself. A vehement proponent of slavery, Key sought legal action against a variety of anti-slavery activists, perpetuating the darkest period in our nation’s history. More importantly, Key couldn’t have written a song as unabashedly sexy as “Ignition (Remix)” in a million years.

Yes, national anthems generally steer clear of sex, but why can’t we be pioneers? With the Middle East in constant rebellion and the financial health of the European Union in shambles, we need to send a message to the rest of the world: it’s the freakin’ weekend; let’s have us some fun. Sure, there are plenty of songs that cover similar thematic territory, but none have the universal appeal of “Ignition (Remix).” It’s the great unifier, the type of song that can liven even the dreariest events. I can assure you, with nearly 100 percent certainty, there is not a soul on this earth who isn’t immediately seduced by the first notes of that voluptuous undulating guitar. If such a person exists, he should be executed immediately, because “Ignition (Remix)” is a perfect song, a masterpiece of thinly veiled innuendo.

For President Barack Obama, this should be a no-brainer. After beginning his presidency with a historically productive two years, he has spent the past two floundering, desperately seeking traction for his pet proposals. By changing the national anthem to “Ignition (Remix),” Obama would instantly cement his legacy as one of, if not the greatest president in our nation’s history. Abraham Lincoln may have ended slavery and held the nation together while on the verge of complete collapse, but even he didn’t produce such astounding cultural progress. To the rest of the world, it would be groundbreaking, an official declaration that after the show, it’s the after party, and after the party, it’s the hotel lobby. If that doesn’t bring about world peace, I don’t know what will. So stick the key in the ignition, Mr. President. The world is watching.