Biker-pedestrian conflict erupts in sidewalk rumble
The Washington University Police Department was called to the Forsyth Boulevard sidewalk Sunday after receiving several calls about a fight between a biker and a pedestrian.
The biker was junior Danny Treelove, a well-known environmental activist on campus, president of the Student Sustainability Fund and self-proclaimed “hippie.” The fight began when Treelove, on his way back from an Arch Coal rally, collided with sophomore Curt Blackheart. Blackheart was on his way to meet up with his fellow College Republicans, of which he is the Freedom from Taxes and Immigrants Baron.
Treelove claimed that Blackheart had been walking in the bike lane, and, when he had tried to avoid him, Blackheart happened to walk in the same direction as the bike. Unable to steer away, Treelove allegedly hit Blackheart in the appendix and knocked him onto the ground.
Eyewitnesses (the smokers) say that Blackheart immediately began screaming at Treelove, referring to the biker as both a “communist” and an “enemy of freedom.” Treelove, appalled by Blackheart’s response, started shouting back, asking why Blackheart walked right into his path when he clearly should have heard the bike coming.
Blackheart had been wearing noise-annihilating headphones while walking and says he did not hear Treelove coming up behind him, and he accused Treelove of targeting him because he was jealous of Blackheart’s “sick ’phones.”
“Normally I hear bikes coming. On this campus, I’ve had to develop a sort of sixth sense that tells me when a biker is coming up behind me,” said Blackheart. “You never know what those treehuggers are gonna pull. They’re pretty unpredictable.”
According to eyewitnesses, after getting up off the sidewalk, Blackheart stormed over to the bike and threw it into the middle of Forsyth Boulevard.
Treelove then ran over to the bicycle and tried to pull it out of the street, but Blackheart rushed over to stop him, and a scuffle ensued.
“It wasn’t really much of a fight. Do any guys at this school actually know how to fight?” remarked one eyewitness, Greta von Winkle. “They mostly just slapped at each other. I think the preppy one tried to bite the hippie kid a few times.”
Blackheart told WUPD officers on Segways that he didn’t realize he was walking in the bike lane because there were several other students walking on both lanes of the sidewalk.
“Wait, there’s a bike lane?” freshman Jana Montana asked. “Isn’t it just like, one sidewalk?”
Following the incident, Blackheart posted on Facebook a link to a petition that will ask for the prohibition of biking on campus, to be replaced strictly with golf carts. He has already collected 138 signatures.
Treelove and his fellow bicyclists have also launched a campaign for Blackheart to be charged with vandalism for attempting to destroy his bicycle.
“This is something that could happen to any of us!” tweeted Treelove, warning his fellow bikers. “We must stand strong! #Bikersunite #greenisgood #savethewhales!”
Carlitos Saganaki, vice chancellor in training of the Danforth Transportation Committee, declined to comment.