Devin and the Atmospheres to play Drumpf’s impeachment party

Scrappy Doo | Director of Fake News

As yet another month of disastrous domestic and foreign policy draws to a close, calls for the impeachment of President Donman Drumpf have reached the House of Representatives. Although the White House states that “the President will fight these calls [for his impeachment] with everything he has,” it seems that, much like with the Wall, hopes are not high. A recent leak has revealed that the Washington University student band Devin and the Atmospheres has been requested to play at the party that the Trump administration is planning as a farewell.

Drumpf, in an attempt to relate to the students of Wash. U. before the second presidential debate, sent a highly trained squad of young Secret Service agents known as the National Agency for Recon and Central Security, or NARCS, to the school in order to “familiarize himself with the party scene,” according to an anonymous source. According to this source, the NARCS agents made friends with certain members of the band while at Wash. U. while at a party at the ‘co-op.’

The band has had mixed feelings about this request. “While it’s always nice to be appreciated, we don’t know exactly how to feel about this source of appreciation,” drummer Edmund Combell said. “We honestly have no idea how we should respond to something like this. Besides, Drumpf has a long history of not paying his contractors.”

It’s a unique situation that Devin and the Atmospheres has found itself in, as nowhere in American history has an impeachment party been thrown by the outgoing president. Drumpf, as yet another way to both break convention, flaunt his wealth and some other unknown factor of insanity, seems intent on going through with the party, according to sources familiar with the matter. While this move seems to be straight out of “The Great Gatsby,” Drumpf is intent on throwing what has been speculated to be either “the party of the century,” according to an optimistic Trump supporter, or “just a bunch of old white guys standing around and pretending to be hip with the youth,” according to most realistic students. St. Louis seems to have been chosen in an attempt to demonstrate the President’s relation with ‘urban’ areas and the inner city. As to why Devin and the Atmospheres were truly selected, we can only speculate. Rumor has it that the opener will be Drumpf himself playing Paulie Ramen’s spine like a xylophone.

 

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Landesci issequis dolorrovitas eatiatiost quia ius pora dicae nis eatiae venitibus eritem quibearumque etur simentu riorumqui aut exerio. Nam, sita corrum undipsum rae consed que con enis volor adiae moluptium, offictur as esed quae

“I guess one of the members must have danced with a NARCS member or something,” guitarist Devin Atmosphere said. “It’s surprising, but more surprising things have happened before. I mean he was elected in the first place.”

“The whole situation is pretty confusing,” Atmosphere continued. “I mean we’re OK with celebrating his impeachment, but I’m worried that they’re not picking our band for the right reasons. At first it seemed like they wanted us to educate them on the atmosphere and climate change. When we explained that we’re a band, they kept saying things like ‘rad dude’ and ‘dope,’ but I’m not actually sure they understood.”

The request came via a video message from Marybeth Conair, well-known as being the campaign manager and counselor to Drumpf. “Although I know it was just a video, I swear when she talked all of the heat left the room,” bassist Sean Him said. “She was staring through me, and it may have been the most frightened I have ever been.”

Guitarist ‘Ultra Light’ Beam High agrees with Him’s sentiment. “She was sitting on a couch cross-legged and her body was vibrating like there were a thousand Marybeth Conairs running around. It was definitely emotionally distressing,” High said.

The band has a big decision to make—one that could impact their future. Atmosphere wants to perform. “I think that, politics aside, this marks an incredible opportunity for the band. This kind of coverage would be amazing. Besides, I’ve always wanted to see the burning wreck of a failed political career up close,” he said.

Other members, on the other hand, are more hesitant. “I honestly just don’t want to be in the same room as Marybeth Conair,” Him said. “I’m not entirely convinced that, given the chance, she won’t eat my soul.”

The members of Devin and the Atmospheres may be catapulted to fame over the next few weeks. As for the rest of America, we will have to wait for the House to reach a decision on Drumpf’s impeachment and then for a trial in the Senate. When asked for a comment, Drumpf responded by saying, “This is fake news. You’re fired.”

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