The best songs to have sex to Plus the songs that are guaranteed to kill the mood
In 2008, Student Life published a ranking of the 10 best songs to play while having sex. In line with the “Sex Sells” business model, that list remains our all-time most viewed article. For this year’s Sex Week issue, Cadenza decided to update the list. Instead of doing a straight-up sequel, we decided to mix it up a little by dividing the list into different categories of sex. (Hopefully) sex isn’t the same old thing every time; different situations call for different songs. Not every sexy setting needs Barry White’s deep croon or Marvin Gaye’s smooth soul. With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, you’ve got to have the right tunes for the right time. Here are the perfect songs for…
LOSING YOUR VIRGINITY
“Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want” by The Smiths
Because let’s be honest here, your first time isn’t going to last any longer than the one minute and fifty-three seconds this gorgeous song has to offer.
Anything and Everything R. Kelly Has Ever Written
Well, maybe not “Trapped in the Closet” (unless well-endowed midgets is your “thing”). But songs like “Ignition (Remix),” “Bump N’ Grind” and “In The Kitchen (Remix)” seem like they are scientifically engineered blends of pop, passion, and plastered. For something a little more recent, try his 2010 track “Just Like That,” a song so catchy you’ll find yourself humming while you’re humping along.
“High For This” by The Weeknd
The Weeknd’s style is definitely R&B, which automatically makes it sex-compatible, but its nocturnal, sinister atmosphere also make it very stoner friendly.
ONE NIGHT STAND
“F*ck and Run” by Liz Phair
It’s been 19 years since Liz Phair’s debut album “Exile in Guyville” dropped, but it still remains almost uncomfortably sexual. The lyrics of “F*ck and Run” are just as commitment-free as the title suggests.
“1, 2, 3 (You, Her, and Me)” by Rick James
In case you can’t count to three, Rick James has got your back (or maybe your front, depending on how you set up your three-way).
SEX ON A BEACH
“Summer Mood” by Best Coast
Admit it. Best Coast perfected the summer love song. The sentiments behind “Summer Mood” are simple: about half the lyrics consist of the words “love” and “summer,” as if they are the only things that matter.
“Take Ecstasy With Me” by The Magnetic Fields
I don’t know if the Gay Love Song is a legitimate music genre, but if it is, “Take Ecstasy With Me” leads the pack with flying, rainbow-themed colors. The song ends with the heartbreaking line “We got beat up just for holding hands”, but gay singer-songwriter Stephin Merritt sings it with so much longing that it comes off as almost innocent. Plus, the singing synth line that closes out the track is the best orgasm popular music’s had since Robert Plant gave us every inch of his love back in ’69.
“Automatic Stop” by The Strokes
The Strokes’ entire sound embodies that volatile ground between love and hate, making them the ideal band for this category. Pick any song on their second album “Room on Fire” and its bound to be great break-up bang material, but “Automatic Stop” gets the nod for its ruthless chorus, “I’m not your friend, I never was.”
“Mr. Blue Sky” by Electric Light Orchestra
Regardless of the kind of sex, some sort of post-coital ritual is a must. Ron Swanson dresses up like Tiger Woods. Joseph Gordon Levitt dances down the street like an idiot (I mean, getting with Zooey Deschanel would make any guy act that way). No matter how you choose to commemorate the morning after, “Mr. Blue Sky” is the perfect song for the celebration.
SUPER ROMANTIC SEX
“Fade Into You” by Mazzy Star
Just about the sweetest song ever written. Goes great with the flowers and chocolates.
And now the 5 WORST songs to have sex to
5) “Let’s Get it On” by Marvin Gaye. Why not? Because such an unimaginative and cliché song choice can only be accompanied by sex of a similar variety.
4) “MacArthur Park” by Richard Harris. Why not? Because Richard Harris is the actor that played Dumbledore in the first two Harry Potter movies. And there is nothing about Dumbledore that should get your wand rising.
3) “Never Gonna Give You Up” by Rick Astley. Why not? Because even Rick Rolling someone during sex isn’t funny anymore.
2) Any Disney Song. Why not? Because it is so, so wrong.
1) “Jizz in My Pants” by The Lonely Island. Why not? Good luck making it if this song comes out.