These are NOT bangers: songs about sex you definitely shouldn’t listen to during sex

| Staff Writer

It’s the age-old question: To listen or not to listen to music while getting it on? Many artists have inserted their voices into this debate with a firm “YES” by writing these sex-themed songs, but they’re so bad that they made me think sex music just might not even be worth it. Most listed songs find their flaws in trashy lyricism, while others just can’t be hot because they were popular during middle school. This collection was the result of me venturing to compile the least sexy sex playlist ever. Every song was written to be sexy time music, but every song failed at that purpose in a unique way. Please, please don’t bang to these songs.


by Jason Derulo.

Unsexy lyric: “All you girls in here, if you’re feeling thirsty / Come and take a sip ‘cause you know what I’m servin’”

In these lyrics, Derulo suggests that his semen is a thirst-quencher, which is both scientifically incorrect and shows an unfortunate lack of sex education.

Grind with me

by Pretty Ricky

Unsexy lyric: “Sex be my day job”

On its own, this song is pretty bad. Combine its poor lyricism and execution with the terrible Vine trend in which half-naked adolescents humped the ground for seven seconds, to achieve this true sex song disaster.

Anything written by R Kelly

by R Kelly

Unsexy lyrics: “Like Jurassic Park except I’m your sex-a-saurus, baby”, “Turn your body around and beat the skins like it’s a bongo”

Beyond being an atrocious lyricist, R. Kelly is an awful person. Don’t support his music, not even “Ignition” (I’m talking to you, frat stars who create the darty playlists).


by Young Money

Unsexy lyrics: “Call me Mr. Flintstone, I can make your bed rock”

You know when Lil Wayne said, “I hate to see her go, but I love to watch her leave”? I felt that. But really, this song is too much of a throwback jam to listen to while doing the horizontal mambo.


by Lil Wayne

Unsexy lyrics: “And when I’m at the bottom, she Hillary Rodham”

The fact that the song is annoyingly repetitive would be a lazy observation. This failed double entendre is hilarious and way too overlooked. There’s the implication of Hillary as an independent female icon; so, the woman is taking over in sex…but the funnier part is that Wayne is using Rodham here as a play on “ride him,” which is somehow both ineffectual and brilliant.