Sex is great, but have you heard of…

It’s a sexy season this time of year, but have you ever asked yourself, what is better than sex? I know there are strong supporters of sex, and people with positive and amazing sex lives, but for argument’s sake what is better? Why does sex have to be the end all be all? Check out our meme-inspired list of things better than sex.

Sex is great, but have you heard of turning in WebWork at 11:59 p.m. for full credit? That rush I got when I clicked submit on my disgustingly confusing WebWork was better than any hypothetical high. Why have intercourse when you can procrastinate homework until the night its due, then fall asleep surrounded by chip bags and Diet Coke, happy. If I could bottle that feeling I would—so, I don’t have to live through the first part of that mess, but I think that’s what narcotics are. It’s the small things that matter: academic success and blinding luck. —Katy Hutson, Senior Scene Editor

Sex is great, but have you ever heard of a chocolate chip scone? During my freshman year, I got one almost every day, but now I’ve weaned myself off of them, so I’m down to one or two every couple of weeks. I’m kind of picky when it comes to pastries, but the Washington University chocolate chip scones are a perfect balance between chocolate and dough and icing—truly a mind-blowing experience. —Aidan Strassmann, Senior Editor

Sex is great, but have you heard of going to the Subway in Mallinckrodt Center at a weird time between popular class periods so that the line is really short? You just walk right up to the counter, order whatever you want and have your sandwich without waiting on the 200-person line that usually stretches practically into the bookstore. It is really amazing, and I would highly recommend it next time you get a chance. —Jon Lewis, Senior Editor

Sex is great, but have you heard of getting accidentally Venmo’d by someone? You didn’t request money from them, they didn’t even mean to send it to you…You must just have one of those oddly common names, and they clicked on the wrong user. Must be nice to be you. I wish I had such an oddly common name that people accidentally sent me stacks on the regular. That would be better than sex.
— Elena Quinones, Staff Writer