Texts from Last Night: Wash. U. style

(407): Yo, I had sex in the bio lab last night
(407-1): Really?
(407): No, but I did watch a plant cell undergo meiosis. Nothing like a little asexuality on a Saturday night

(860): My roommate was having sex last night so I crashed across the hall. Does that count as sleeping around?

(252): Plumbum Stridens
(828): Are you drunk?
(252): No, I’m reading my chem textbook. It’s the chemical term for tin

(804): I’m single, but I keep it classy…every once in a while I masturbate into a dress sock

(917): New fitness goal: be ripped enough to get girls with no visible mustaches
(818): No more erotic nightmares of Burt Reynolds for you!
(917): Hell yes

(201): It’s been so long since I’ve gotten laid, the Bunny is starting to look hot

(314): I had to touch a mannequin’s chest in human anatomy today. It was the most action I’ve gotten in weeks

(414): I’m not hooking up with B-school guys anymore.
(318): Why not?
(414): His foreplay involved touching me in different places and going “Boop!” He giggled the whole time…

(239): Dude, what’s your favorite position?
(661): In bed?
(239): No idiot, on Palestine–Israel

(314): So I just got a look at the new dorms. I can’t believe this shit.
(418): I know right? No library Wi-Fi but they get their own bathrooms. They must pay!
(314): Way ahead of you. I’m in the Koenig common room doing pushups till I hurl. What’s my target?
(418): Aim for the flat screen.
(314): Roger that. They’ve just signed up for unlimited access to the barf network.

(305): Just chugged some whiskey out of a graduated cylinder. I love Gen. Chem!