Michael Phelps: Hot means more than a medal (or 14)
Hot or not?
Hot is a matter of opinion, and in my opinion, Michael Phelps, while an amazing swimmer, is not hot. His athletic feats are another story entirely. Speaking of his athleticism, no one could say that the man isn’t on fire. He is by far one of the greatest Olympians of our time. That is not my point. My point is that pure athleticism, while attractive, is not enough to make a person really and truly hot.
So what exactly goes into being hot? In our everyday lives, someone who is hot makes our eyes bulge out of our head and our hearts dance out of our chest via cartoon characters. It’s a person who makes you drool when you look at them. Unfortunately, this is not Michael Phelps.
Physically, Phelps was designed to be an amazing swimmer, with the super-long torso, the huge feet, and arms longer than my entire body. He was created for the sport, if you will, and that shows up in his 14 gold medals. But I have grown up around swimmers and noticed that swimmers are built with a certain look. Michael Phelps takes that look to the next level. Unfortunately, that next level tends to seem a bit gawky. Let’s just say that when I’m watching him give a press conference, I’m thinking more about his amazing performance than his looks. In short, I’m not drooling. And that gawkiness is the nature of the beast; call it a byproduct of amazing natural talent. Add the goofy grin and, well, let’s just say he is no Jeremy Bloom (also a wonderful athlete and Olympian). In fact, it’s the goofy grin that takes him, for me, categorically away from hotness. I don’t get that thrown off by his proportions, although they always look a bit off. Instead, I find myself not wanting to look at the big ears, semi- vacant eyes, and cockeyed grin. Phelps’ body is attractive, no doubt, but the face… Personally, I’d rather watch the time clock.
I have been and will remain in awe of Phelps’s swimming abilities. He is by far one of the greatest athletes ever to grace a swimming pool. I admire his dedication to the sport. But Phelps, while perhaps the hottest swimmer around, is not an all-around-hot person. I hope his gold medals and goofy grin can forgive me that.