A classy place to hook up

| Scene Reporter

It’s a given that the Village East is the nicest housing on campus. Let’s be serious, at $11,342 per year, residents should be getting free room service. It’s new, it’s clean and it looks like a castle. But what are you really paying for? It’s not the dishwashers or the leather couches. No, my friends, what you’re paying for…is sex; pure, unadulterated sex. Well, the details are up to you, but here are a few pieces of evidence that prove that the architects of the Village East clearly had hooking up in mind whilst designing these fine accommodations.

Single rooms

Unless you’re the type that likes an audience, this one doesn’t need much explanation.  

Double beds

So much room! Roll around! Switch positions! Go crazy! And none of that awkward, forced cuddling stuff

Mirrors

The double closet doors are entirely mirrored, facing the bed from either the side or the front. It’s not even a matter of being kinky, it’s simply unavoidable. Don’t even pretend that you don’t like to watch.

Spacious kitchen 

It’s big, it gets the job done (that’s what she said) and it’s perfect for morning-after pancakes. Or a morning romp on the kitchen counter—take your pick. 

Sexcoustics

The cardboard box walls (I’m not kidding, try ripping a poster off one of those suckers and you’ll know what I’m talking about) are oddly soundproof, plus the AC/heating system is loud enough to ensure that you’re up all night long and your suitemates have no idea. Let the cries of pleasure commence!