How to Talk Dirty

| Scene Reporter

Sex starts in the head. Some assume that intercourse is nothing more than a mechanical motion: thrusting back and forth like jackrabbits. Ultimately, however, your brain controls everything that you consider doing; your mind and body are one. This is why exercise gives you a clear and peaceful head and why stimulating your imagination can turn your sex from an activity that feels “sort of good” into a completely mind-blowing experience. Dirty talk is one way to achieve exactly that. After a series of discussions with friends, I have compiled a list of the most important aspects of great dirty talk:

1. Relaxation
Talking dirty is all about feeling comfortable with yourself and the person you are intimate with. Let go of your insecurities. Focus on the moment. Be silly, but firm. And guys: Don’t talk to your penis! He cannot hear you. Just relax and let him do his thing. He’ll be fine—it’s his job, after all.

2. Anticipation
The difference between good sex and bad sex is similar to the difference between eating Pop-Tarts for dinner instead of steak—steak takes more work, but it’s so much more rewarding. This is the difference between good sex and bad sex. Even though it takes time and work, building up anticipation for what is to come is essential. That way, when you do get some, you will be able to appreciate it properly.

3. Perceptiveness
Try to understand what the other person wants. I am not saying that you have to be able to read another person’s mind, but when a girl is whispering sweet nothings into your ear, it may not be the best moment to start talking about the yellow wart on your foot. Try to pick up on the subtle hints your partner drops to completely fulfill their needs.

4. Modern means of communication
It is not necessary to have a cell phone to be able to talk dirty, but it certainly can’t hurt. The more means of communication you use to tell your special someone about all the dirty things you want to do to him or her, the better. It’s a great way to build anticipation for things to come. Imagine you’re a guy sitting in class when you get a text from a girl that reads, “I can do it with no hands.” You may have to hold your coat over your pants as you leave class. And all day long the text about blowjobs will pop up in your head and, ergo, the thing in your pants as well. Let technology enhance all aspects of your life, even dirty talk.

5. Creativity
Yes, none of us is Shakespeare, but the person you’re about to hook up with is probably aware of that. This biggest guideline for being creative when talking dirty is, simply, don’t say anything that feels fake. Instead, enhance your natural self by letting yourself express some of the things you would normally repress. Talk about the way your partner smells and how much it turns you on, or the way she bites her lip during foreplay—be creative by turning your thoughts and feelings into sexy sweet nothings.

  • Jacob P. Marley

    Are you in middle school? This is the most absurd and immature article Student Life has put out in a long time. If you really want green action, which seems to be a hot topic over in the Forum section, perhaps Studlife should cease printing this crap.

    Grow up.
    –JM

    • Anonymous

      But, just imagine you’re a guy sitting in class when you get a text from a girl that reads, “I can do it with no hands.” You may have to hold your coat over your pants as you leave class!