Take it outside: How to have sex in public
With the weather is still snowy and cold, there may not be much of an opportunity for outdoor sex just yet. But spring break and warm weather will soon be upon us—and this guide to discreet public indecency is sure to get you in the mood. To pull off these risky moves, you’ll need bail money, a fundamental lack of decency and shame, and an adventurous short or average-height partner. (Sure, tall guys are hot and can always reach the top shelf, but they’re not the most discreet when it comes to public raunchiness). Here is a list of how to pull it off.
A bar or club
This one is so easy your little brother could get away with it (mine actually did…ah, family). Make sure you choose a larger venue and wait until the busiest hour of the busiest night. The staff and bartenders will be too busy handling drink orders and breaking up mosh pits to notice the two of you slipping off to the bathroom. While this may seem tacky or cliché (how many movies feature two people going at it in a grimy club bathroom?), it’s actually a pretty steamy way to ease yourself into the idea of public sex. After having a few drinks with your partner and grinding for a while on the dance floor, sneaking off to do the deed with the bass vibrating through the bathroom stalls starts to seem more appealing than you’d think.
Pro: All necessary cleanup materials are right at hand.
Con: Most restrooms in bars and clubs aren’t the cleanest of facilities.
The beach can be a lot of fun—just make sure there aren’t any kids around. Head to the beach with a very large blanket or comforter, large enough to wrap yourselves up in, then sit there and wait for the other beachgoers to head home. I would recommend going around sunset, as most people will usually have left by that time. Not to mention, it’s quite romantic. If the beach is empty, and there are no houses in sight, you’re clear to just go at it. But if there are still some people lingering or beach houses nearby, it’s probably best to cocoon yourselves in your blanket first. The fresh air, the sand, the ocean and the very public nature of this spot make it all the more exciting.
Pro: Great for a romantic evening.
Con: You run the risk of scarring a child for life.
Personally, I don’t encourage joining the mile high club. Believe it or not, stewardesses are on the lookout for couples lingering around the bathrooms. (Be warned—they will reprimand you if they suspect you’re up to something.) But that doesn’t mean you can’t have a little fun. It’s surprisingly easy to fool around and even surprise your guy with a blowjob—right from the comfort of your own seats. First, if you aren’t provided with a blanket by the airline, use a coat or jacket to cover your laps. Once you’ve fastened a decent shield, manual stimulation isn’t too difficult to pull off. Blowjobs get a little trickier, however. Rest your head in your guy’s lap as if you were sleeping, then have him undo his pants and slide them down a little to provide easier access. You’ll be surprised by how manageable this can be with some strategic maneuvering of your head and the blanket.
Pro: The sense of accomplishment after having pulled it off.
Con: Nosy stewardesses and passengers.
An amusement park
This may be the most challenging outdoor option but also the most thrilling. Many people who engage in public sexual activity do so for the heightened adrenaline rush and increased sexual anticipation—and what greater rush than foreplay at the top of a roller coaster. Actual intercourse is difficult, as most rides have seat restraints, not to mention you could die, but some hand action is more than possible. Make sure your girl wears a dress or skirt and try fingering her while on a particularly intense roller coaster ride—the combination of thrills and sensations will ensure that she’ll remember that day for a long time to come.
Pro: Some of the most memorable foreplay of a lifetime.
Con: Potentially life threatening if proper precautions aren’t taken.