Safe ‘sex’ at W.I.L.D.?

| Sex Columnist
Daggering, a form of dance popularized in Jamaica, is one of Major Lazer’s signature dance moves.3RDEYEK | FLICKR

Daggering, a form of dance popularized in Jamaica, is one of Major Lazer’s signature dance moves.

Imagine you’re having really nasty hardcore sex. Now imagine that you’re in Brookings quad. But wait! You still have your clothes on, and everyone around you is doing the same thing. Wake-up! You’re at W.I.L.D.

Washington University undergraduate men: If you are sexually repressed and listen to music, read on.

I assume that you keep up with the best ways to bump and grind with that biddy you see every other week at the frats. Yet, how is it that when I ask if you’ve heard of “daggering,” you respond with, “does it have something to do with an ice pick?” Well, you may receive a lesson in daggering this weekend at W.I.L.D.

Daggering is a dance form created and popularized in Jamaica that has since been adopted by Major Lazer as the style of choice for his sets. It is dry, aggressive, raunchy sex that leaves nothing to the imagination. There is no penetration in daggering, but those who have perfected the art don’t need it.

So how does this affect you, my fellow Wash. U. gentlemen? Whether you know it or not, daggering can be dangerous, and if you don’t know what you’re doing, you could end up with a sexual assault charge or a broken dick. Watch some daggering videos on YouTube so you know what to do. Technique is key—don’t think that just because you know what it is, you can do it!

The easiest and most obvious way to avoid the risks of daggering is to abstain from daggering. However, for those who choose to partake, I have devised three rules for safe daggering:

1. If you’re going to dagger with that “beezy,” make sure she knows what she’s getting into; aka get verbal consent.

2. If you’re drunk, don’t take it too far; if you feel your testosterone levels peaking, get some water and take a break—this is high-risk activity, and you don’t want to hurt anyone.

3. Have a safe word. The best way to have fun and stay out of trouble is to have a word or signal between you and your partner so that both of you will know when you’re going too far. I like “magicians only,” but any phrase or unusual word will work. Just make sure it’s something you can hear over the sound of the hundreds of other people daggering around you.

So guys, you’ve got a lot of work ahead of you. Get educated, get ready for W.I.L.D. and for goodness’ sake, be safe.

  • Jack Mehoff

    this is the worst thing I have ever read.