Scene’s suggestions for what the chancellor should do before retiring

Chancellor Mark Wrighton’s days at Washington University may be winding down—we should set up a countdown or something—but there’s still quite a bit of time until he departs. Since he’s a lame duck, we think it’s a good time for the chancellor to loosen up and do some fun things (besides just shouting “Peel banana!” on move-in day). Here, the Scene staff shares the top items on our bucket list of what Wrighton ought to do before retiring:

Hammock on Mudd Field

One of my favorite activities when the weather is nice is to set up my hammock and chill in one of the trees that line Mudd Field. It’s a great way to take a break from the hustle and bustle of the school day and also reconnect with the natural environment. I’m sure the chancellor is super busy with all the things required to keep Wash. U. running and swinging in a hammock in the trees might just be the respite he needs.
—Jordan Chow, Senior Photo Editor

Divest from fossil fuel interests

Yeah, yeah, I know the chancellor told us last spring that the University won’t be divesting, and technically, it’s the board of trustees who makes this decision, not Magic Mark. But if he can use his powers for good in the last year or two of his tenure as chancellor, there are few causes better than this one. We’ve all heard about the chancellor’s tremendous impact on the University.
—Hanusia Higgins, Senior Scene Editor

Taking a nap in the library

I’m not going to lie: I don’t spend much time hanging out in Olin Library, especially with the Student Life office so centrally located in the Danforth University Center. But the times I do venture over to Olin Library, I always find dozens of students dozing off everywhere, from the cozy chairs on the top floor to the hard-backed seats next to the computer stations. The library seems like a pretty decent napping spot, and if our chancellor is a man of the people, he ought to nap where the people nap.
—Ella Chochrek, Editor-in-Chief

Step on the seal

One of the first things every Wash. U. student hears on their campus tour is the age-old tale of the Washington University official seal located under the Brookings Quadrangle archway. Rumor has it that if you step on the seal while a student, you won’t graduate on time. Well, I’ve never heard anything about the rule specifically not applying to chancellors—so, I can only assume it would work for Wrighton, too. On his last day, he should just stomp all over the seal, just to spite the Wash. U. graduation overlords. Take that! Finished that 22-year term, right on time.
—Aidan Strassmann, Managing Editor

Get to know every student by name and story

It’s sort of our thing, right?
—Noa Yadidi, Managing Editor

Intentionally cross his eyes in every picture

My week has been greatly improved by looking at that sweet, cross-eyed face, and I just think it would be a generous going away gift to the Wash. U. community. Fair warning Mark, your face might get stuck that way, but I don’t think anyone would be upset.
—Katy Hutson, Staff Writer

Attend a frat party

I know, I know, our very own Magic Mark probably went to enough ragers as a 20-year-old CalTech chemistry grad student to last the rest of us a lifetime, but hear me out: There’s nothing quite like a Wash. U. frat party. The fancy architecture of the houses, the smooth brick, broken up only by letters taken from a civilization more ancient than the country itself and the perimeter, ringed by trees that were here long before the house’s inhabitants were born, all concealing an underwhelming and somewhat horrifying display of the most base human nature. It’d be a shame if he left without experiencing that.
—Sam Seekings, Senior News Editor