Pizza party: Places to get into a pizza coma depending on your mood
You know when you’re like, “Wow, I need a pizza right now,” but you’re not sure what kind of pizza you want? That’s not my problem! I can’t help you. But you know when you’re like, “Where do I want to get pizza?” and then you need to figure out where to get pizza based on what you’re feeling? I can help you with that! Here’s a guide to getting pizza depending on your mood:
When you’re in a rush: Doughocracy
You’ve got an hour break in between classes, and you just want something quick and edible. Doughocracy is pretty good for fast-food pizza. Even if your meal isn’t that good, it’s fine. The priority right now is to eat something so that you can have enough calories to not pass out. Doughocracy pizzas are also thin enough that you can stack together three slices and make a pizza sandwich. Pizza sandwich!
Address: 6394 Delmar Blvd., University City, Mo.
Hours: Sunday through Saturday 11 a.m. to 10 p.m.
When you’re in the mood for the unconventional: Black Thorn Pub
Depending on when you’re here, this bar can be seedy. The last time I went here was on a Saturday night at the end of the summer. My friend and I were the only patrons there, and the owner of the place pulled up a chair and talked to us while we were waiting for our pizza. It was well-intentioned, but it was definitely uncomfortable—like being wrangled into small talk with someone who you’re stuck in an elevator with for an indefinite period of time. But we got our pizza eventually! And it was worth it. The sauce is very herb-y and the thick crust provides the perfect consistency of crispiness.
Address: 3735 Wyoming St., St. Louis
Hours: Monday through Saturday 5 p.m. to 1 a.m., Sunday 5 p.m. to 12 a.m.
When you want to do something fun: Felix’s Pizza Pub
Oh man! Felix’s is kind of like Black Thorn in that it isn’t in the Washington University bubble, and it has good pizza, but it’s different because the atmosphere is lively and not uncomfortable! So many pizza options and a great beer list make it an ideal place to get dinner and a drink.
Address: 6401 Clayton Ave., St. Louis
Hours: 11 a.m. to 12 a.m. Sunday through Thursday, 11 a.m. to 1:30 a.m. Friday and Saturday
When you’re feel like bridging a cultural gap: Imo’s Pizza
Hear me out. Imo’s is, in my opinion, gross. When I first tried it, I thought my St. Louis friends who said they “really liked Imo’s” ate it ironically. I don’t understand how provel cheese can taste good. If you’re unfamiliar with provel, Wikipedia defines it as “a combination of cheddar, Swiss and provolone cheeses [that] tastes nothing like any of them.” But then again, what do I know? Maybe we could spend more time learning about why Imo’s has its appeal.
Address: 1000 Hampton Ave., St. Louis (closest location)
Hours: Sunday 10 a.m. to 11 p.m., Monday through Thursday 10 a.m. to 12 a.m., Friday and Saturday 10 a.m. to 1 a.m.
When you want to transform into a sentient pile of cheese: Pi Pizzeria
Chicago-style deep dish is contentious because a) it’s basically a breaded tub of cheese and b) it’s very touristy. It’s for the times you want melted cheese, but you’re too lazy to, uh, melt a bunch of cheese. Just to be clear, by the way—I’m not judging you. I’m so lazy I often fantasize about hot boys dragging me up the Overpass while I sit in a Radio Flyer wagon with a pillow strapped across the back of my head.
Address: 6144 Delmar Blvd. (closest location)
Hours: Monday through Thursday 11 a.m. to 11 p.m., Friday and Saturday 11 a.m. to 12 a.m., Sunday 11 a.m. to 10 p.m.
When you’re in the mood to get yelled at by a teenager: Pointer’s Pizza
Pointer’s is the pizza place you see in a stoner comedy. You’re ordering Pointer’s because you’re sick of Domino’s Pizza, and you think it would be cool to get “something local.” Pointer’s employees are on board with providing you decent pizza, but customer service is extra. They’re not trying to win your love because they know you’ll always come crawling back to them. If you drunkenly order a medium cheese with pineapple and jalapenos and then try to pay for it with a roll of quarters, they will be visibly angry with you! And that’s what you deserve, because at least you got to pay for a pizza with quarters. Live crazy and pay for a 28-inch Pointersaurus in quarters. You didn’t really need to do laundry, anyway.
Address: 1023 S. Big Bend Blvd.
Hours: 11 a.m. to 2 a.m. daily
When you’re trashed but you want something you’re still going to eat when you’re stone-cold sober: Domino’s
Ah, Domino’s. It’s always been there for us. Domino’s is that place where you can order a medium pineapple-jalapeno with extra cheese at 10 a.m. and pay for it with a roll of quarters without being judged. Because there’s nothing wrong with pineapple on pizza, OK? It’s delicious. And pineapple AND jalapenos? It’s the perfect combination of sweet and spicy! And as we’ve established, you don’t REALLY need to do laundry! The same goes for ordering Domino’s at 2 a.m. No one will judge you, plus you’ll have leftovers to eat in the morning for lunch. Or breakfast.
Address: 7018 Pershing Ave. (closest location)
Hours: Sunday through Thursday 10