Quiz: Which Wash. U. administrator are you?

| Senior Scene Editor

Do you ever lose sleep at night trying to figure out which Washington University administrator you’re similar to? Are you struggling to find a quiz that would answer this burning question on BuzzFeed? Is it weird that I knew that, almost like I looked into your brain? Take this quiz!

*Disclaimer: The answer choices do not necessarily reflect the exact lives or opinions of each administrator. These are things I made up for fun. Let’s keep this fun. Please do not send Student Life emails about how you did not have fun.

1. What are you studying?
a. Chemistry!!! Science is your lifeblood!!!
b. You’re starting off as pre-med, but you’re probably too fun for it.
c. Business. Business. Business.
d. Unsure, but you’re hoping to travel the world.

2. What’s your favorite hobby?
a. Being a leader, keeping your organization running and representing the great state of Florida.
b. Playing electric bass and wearing cool glasses, simultaneously.
c. Clacking away at your laptop in Bauer Hall, working on your startup while starting on your sixth Starbucks drink.
d. Saying “paleoenvironmental reconstruction” 10 times fast.

3. What do your friends go to you for?
a. Friends always ask you to make meth, because you’re really good at chemistry. To which you say, “No, friends, I will NOT make meth because meth is bad! Damn, I think I might need new friends! Or my current friends need to stifle their curiosity about meth!”
b. Friends assume you are bringing the fiesta nachos.
c. Friends ask you for your pleasant company. Also, money.
d. Friends like to come to your place for dinner. You always have awesome stories and dope shortbread.

4. What kind of pet do you have?
a. A cat. Cats are independent creatures that know what they want. Also, they behave whenever you take them to Steak ‘n Shake.
b. A dog. And a cat. And a squirrel. And a ferret. You mostly like picking up any animals in your vicinity to join your band. You’ve got big dreams, son. And possibly a big band. You’re going to need to get a minivan for this.
c. A tank of rainbow fish that know an impressive amount of information about strategic cost management control.
d. Bees. Bees that once attacked you, but you domesticated them and now they look up to you like a parent. You care for them and, on occasion, give them advice on whether to drop Phil 100 or not.

5. Pick a song.
a. “Ima Boss” by Meek Mill ft. Rick Ross. It resonates with you on a personal level.
b. “Trap Queen” by Fetty Wap. This song has no direct relevance to your life and you had to Urban Dictionary “trap house” but damn, it is catchy, and damn, you’re trying to dance.
c. “Suit & Tie” by Justin Timberlake. You are always wearing a suit and tie (and perhaps always channeling Justin Timberlake) as true b-schoolers do.
d. “Where The Streets Have No Name” by U2. Bono, man. Bono.

6. What’s your first day of class fun fact?
a. “I was so pumped about chemistry once that I broke my bedroom floor as a child. My parents were impressed, because they didn’t know that was even possible, but upset because they had to purchase a new floor.”
b. “My first name is actually Herbert, which can be shortened to Herb. You know what thought still haunts me, though? I could’ve been named Basil or Oregano. My name is not Basil or Oregano, though, so that’s pretty cool.”
c. “People often compliment me on my mustache. Honestly, I only keep it on my face whenever I run out of shaving cream. What is the difference between a fun fact and an unexpected truth? Nothing, my friends. Nothing.”
d. You forget about your fun fact because you’re busy passing out cool rocks you got from Nepal to everyone in your class.

7. Why did you miss your 8 a.m. lecture?
a. At Steak ‘n Shake; needed urgent milkshake.
b. Sleeping; jam session in some unfortunate South 40 dorm ended at six in the morning.
c. Hungover; you’re in the b-school.
d. Caravanning through an undisclosed desert; will be back by lunchtime.

8. You see someone getting mugged. How do you deal with the perpetrator?
a. Speed-dial your posse. Then walk up to them and punch them in the face as your posse cheers.
b. Whip out your guitar from your back pocket and very literally melt their mind with your jams.
c. Knock the wind out of them with your knowledge of statistical methods data analysis.
d. Throw the tomatoes you just bought at the farmers market at them and remind them about their four-year plan.

Mostly As:

Chancellor Mark Wrighton: Congrats, you are secretly the chancellor! Unless Chancellor Wrighton is reading this, in which case, you are literally the chancellor! You’re a leader that doesn’t balk at responsibility, even if it’s as massive as running a university. That’s incredible. Endless milkshakes for you.

Mostly Bs:

Provost Holden Thorp: You are Holden Thorp. A chemist with an interest in the arts, Provost Thorp is the Joe Biden of this administration. He’s serious about his work, but he’s also cool enough describe himself as “Mr. Spock without the ears.” He’s also into blogging. What a dude.

Mostly Cs:

Olin Business School Dean Mahendra Gupta: You’re really into business, and you have sweet facial hair. You’re Dean Gupta. He’s been in his current position since 2005 and still killing the game.

Mostly Ds:

College of Arts & Sciences Dean Jennifer Smith: You love adventures and people—your Wash. U. administrator kindred spirit is Dean Smith. Dean Smith, formerly an associate professor of Earth and planetary sciences, is like the cool aunt that tells you crazy stories about her life and also cooks you meals.

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