‘The Room,’ too bad to be true

| Scene Events Columnist

Every so often, a movie comes along and it has everything: a great plot, believable characters, witty dialogue and a certain joie de vivre. “The Room,” a 2003 independent film, is in no way such a movie. But it is so absurdly, immensely and amazingly bad that you have to see it to believe it. Because of this, Tommy Wiseau’s “The Room” has quickly gained a cult following, prompting midnight showings of the film catastrophe all over the country. And we, ladies and gentlemen, are lucky enough to have two showings coming to the Tivoli, on March 12 and 13.

You might ask what makes the movie so good…I mean bad. First, there’s the title. There really isn’t a room, at least not one that is central to the story. This brings us to the second shortcoming: The movie has no story. Characters come in and out of scenes with no real explanation of who they are or why they’re there. The film has more plot holes than hairs on the film’s director’s/writer’s/producer’s/star’s head. And trust me, that man has an impressive amount of hair.

There also seems to be zero production value in the movie. For instance, the same lame sex scene is used twice. In fact, during the filming of “The Room,” one of the main actors decided to quit. Instead of hiring a replacement or reworking the script to adjust for his departure, the producers make his character disappear without an explanation, and his lines are given to another character.

To give you a better idea of how wonderfully horrible this movie is, let me describe a scene. Tommy Wiseau’s character, Johnny, goes onto the rooftop of his apartment, dispassionately proclaiming that he never hit his girlfriend, Lisa. (How he finds out that Lisa has secretly started this rumor we never find out.) Suddenly Johnny realizes his best friend Mark is on the roof, and he instantly forgets he’s upset. The two then have a badly dubbed conversation with stiff, awkward dialogue as they sit in front of a fake backdrop of the skyline of San Francisco. The word “yeah” is used eight times in one minute, and they toss around a football for no reason whatsoever.

So why would anyone want to see this movie? It’s not about wanting; it’s about needing to see this movie. If you don’t believe a turd of a movie can be a wonderful experience, check out “The Room” for yourself. Like “The Rocky Horror Picture Show,” audience members are encouraged to dress up like characters in the movie. If you’re unfamiliar with the characters, just wear anything that’s from the early ’90s; although the movie was filmed in 2003, its clothing is straight out of the original “90210.”

Every aspect of this movie is so wrong it’s hilarious. And while Wiseau now claims that he intended for his “dark comedy” to be atrocious, you can’t help but wonder if he’s really capable of that type of evil genius. “The Room” taps into that little dark part of all of us that loves to watch others fail miserably—the same part that loves to watch painful accidents on “America’s Funniest Home Videos.” It’s an experience that can’t be missed.