Make it or break it: How we deal with deal-breakers

During my freshman year, I fell head over heels for a boy I met just weeks before school ended. He was the total package: hilarious, down to earth and adorable. Even my friends loved him. Better still: He was single.

On one of my first visits to his room, I ended up sitting next to a pile of clean laundry that he was in the midst of folding (how much more perfect could he get?). But, as I looked around the room, something caught my eye and shocked me. “Oh, yeah,” he laughed, registering the surprise on my face.

“I’m a briefs guy.”

Unexpected? Yes. Could I handle a non-boxer man? Why not? At least, that’s what I thought until he moved the laundry pile, where I saw not just tighty-whities, but also pink briefs.

Yes, pink—not light red, not “I mixed them in with my darks”—a bright, bold salmon pink.

I kept my composure as he walked me home, and we made dinner plans. All I could think about, however, was, “Aren’t I supposed to be the one in the pink underwear?”

We like to think that we are open-minded—that when it comes to dating, we can hopefully get past major obstacles like religion, race and social status. But when it comes down to it, everyone has things they refuse to compromise on: fashion choices, political views, hobbies, etc. So we have to ask ourselves, are we really as open-minded as we think?

And it’s not just girls that have this issue—guys suffer too. When my best guy friend, a born and bred Boston boy, called to tell me about the incredible girl he recently met, I couldn’t have been more excited. When I asked about the girl one week later, however, I was shocked when he sighed, “She was a Yankees fan. It would have never worked out.”

So what do we do when we find Mr. or Ms. Right, only to find something terribly wrong? While at first I chastised my friend, I later realized that he had a point; he spent the better part of summer and fall watching Red Sox games. If the Yankees were outperforming the Sox, the relationship certainly would have suffered. Call it what you will, but the season’s stats really had an effect on the guy.

I guess that it all comes down to whether this “deal-breaker” is something that will constantly hurt your relationship. What’s the point of being in something that is a perpetual struggle? Chances are, though, the issue isn’t really that bad. Sometimes the notion of compromise is a painful one, but maybe they’re already compromising something for you. Perhaps your favorite sports team isn’t theirs, or those shoes that he thinks are so trendy are just ugly. If you want something to work, you’ve got to put in the effort and pick your battles!

As for Mr. Underwear and me, we dated for six months. Why? I realized that finding someone who would be happy watching YouTube clips with me in pajamas is more important than the occasional startling sight of my boyfriend’s pink underwear.

But if he’s wearing a thong, run for the hills.

Until next time,

The Love Guru