Sex and the Loop
Is the saying “All’s fair in love and war” really true? Does anything go when it comes to dating and romance? Or are there unspoken societal rules that one must follow?
Personally, I have always made my own rules. I have always been a go-getter kind of gal. When I want something, I make sure that I exercise each of my mental, physical and social networks to obtain it. I used to apply this attitude to men. Guys were targets—objects to chase and (attempt to) seduce. If one ran away, I told myself that it wasn’t my fault for being aggressive—he was just too passive, and I would try again with someone else, this time in a more sassy and forceful manner.
But when I rented “He’s Just Not That Into You” this summer, I let Hollywood overrule my intuition by dictating my life in the romance department. The movie preached that if a guy had any bit of interest in you, he would do everything and anything in his power to make sure that you knew it. He would call you, he would ask you out, he would make the first move, and he would let you know that he wanted to date you.
At that point, it was as if someone threw a big fat punch and gave my “first-move” confidence a huge, gaping black eye. It was damaged. It was ugly. It was not going to heal for quite some time. So this was why I didn’t have a boyfriend? I didn’t want to be that girl.
For a while, I wouldn’t talk to guys at parties. I would wait until one approached me, and if he didn’t ask for my number within the first five minutes, I would walk away and tell myself that he just didn’t like me enough. I followed this rule rigidly and then pretty soon, I realized that I wasn’t meeting anyone. I wasn’t giving anyone a chance. I was afraid to go out, because if I made one false move, I wasn’t playing hard to get.
After conducting my own little experiment to get a boyfriend by barely approaching men at all, I have found that this end of the spectrum is also extreme.
For those of you gals that follow the “come hither or else…” belief religiously, I would like to pose a question to you. Are these general guidelines that we should follow, or is it silly to make rules for life? Is finding a partner about being strict, rigid and close-minded? Or is it about being open to exceptions and living life according to your own rules?
Maybe the movie’s concept is the ideal—don’t we all deserve to be chased? But that doesn’t mean there aren’t shy boys or guy friends who are afraid to initiate taking your friendship to the next level. That doesn’t mean there aren’t men who play games or think you may be too out of their league to ask you out.
Ladies, as the spectacular women that you are, you’re the stars of your own life movies—which means you are free to write the script however you darn well please.