How to Get Your Life Back: Recovering from the election
If you’re reading this, you probably haven’t moved to Canada, which means that your candidate of choice has won! Congratulations! Or maybe your candidate did lose and you’re holed up in your room crying into your copy of StudLife. Our condolences. Either way, the election is over and it’s time to get your life back. Here’s how:
After getting up at 5 am to wait in line to vote at 9am, putting off your work to watch the debate and volunteering for different causes, you may want to redevelop your relationship with your bed. It missed you. Besides, your body technically needs more than three hours of sleep to function.
-Catch up on all the TV shows you missed.
Between debates, the daily news and Election Day poll updates, you’ve gotten pretty far behind. You might not even know about Jenny and Nate’s budding romance on Gossip Girl! Oops, did we ruin that for you?
-Clean your room! Avoiding laundry is not an option!
That black hole in the corner of your room is starting to smell, and those dishes should not have things growing on them. So wash off the Barack face you carved into your plate of mashed potatoes, and toss out the Palin-shaped block of cheese. It’s time to make your living situation livable and restore it to its former pre-campaign glory!
-Forward your friends a YouTube video about a sneezing panda or something else equally nonpartisan.
Remember when you watched something other than campaign videos on YouTube? Get back out there and make somebody’s second-class video footage famous! Those hits are not going to make themselves.
-Walk around in your pajamas.
Really, the media isn’t on campus anymore. Trade in those fancy black pants for some sweats and stop kidding yourself.
-Find another legitimate excuse to procrastinate on your homework.
It’s time to make winter break plans. Finalize your resume for internship applications. Shampoo your hair. You must have something else to do.
-Feel free to wear red or blue without promoting an unknown cause.
“Wait, I’m supporting what? But it’s just a blue shirt!”
-Accept apologies from your friends and family of opposite party affiliation. You can be friends for the next four years.
-Post your Election Day pictures on Facebook.
In red states and blue states, your friends around the country want to see how you celebrated the election. And while you’re at it, un-friend all of those politicians. They’re not your real friends anyway.
-Catch up on important news.
What color is Britney’s hair (or lack thereof)? How many new foreign babies has Brangelina adopted? If your schedule is really open, consider running for election as Paris Hilton’s new BFF.
-If you really don’t know what to do with yourself, start campaigning for Oprah in 2012. You know it’s coming.
Now we know that this post-election time is going to be hard. At times, you might feel entirely devoid of purpose. But when the going gets tough, just listen to the wise words of T.I. and Rihanna and live your life.