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Op-ed: A reminder
Content warning: This article contains sensitive language regarding sexual assault and alcohol.
This afternoon we will gather as a community to demand an important change from our administration. Title Mine’s demands are both incredibly needed and incredibly late. I have been facilitator for the Date for two years and spend the beginning of every school year assuring incoming students that our consent policy is thorough, and our resources are sound. But as we’ve seen reflected by numerous brave students in the last few weeks—and as plenty have been saying for years—this is not the case. How am I, with a straight face, supposed to tell our first-years that they will be safe on their new campus? How can I assure them that they will be supported by their administration if something happens, which it always, always does? To provide them with this information would be a lie. As a facilitator, I know the statistics. And, as a friend, I know the stories.
As WILD falls tomorrow night, though, I am writing to demand change from our students. Alcohol and consent is a messy subject, and consent is not a one-size-fits-all checklist. And it is never, never anyone’s job to not get raped. That being said, it is clear that not everyone on this campus understands the numerous red lines in situations involving alcohol and/or sexual activity.
So, before tomorrow night, a handy reminder for those partaking in WILD festivities:
1. Don’t rape anybody.
Ask for consent. Ask more than once. If you’re kissing, that does not signify consent for touching; if you’re touching, that does not signify consent for sex. If you’re unsure if consent is present, stop. Better yet, don’t even start. “No” does not mean “convince me,” and a lack of a “no” does not mean “yes.”
Actively check and understand their body language. If you have to help them home, they are too drunk to consent. If they are throwing up, they are too drunk to consent. If they are unresponsive or showing signs of memory loss, they are too drunk to consent. And if you’re too drunk to read these signs, you have no business initiating sexual activity.
2. If your friend is too drunk, get them help.
Get them home. Notify their roommates. If they are unresponsive, unconscious, have difficulty breathing, or show signs of head trauma, call Emergency Support Team (EST). If you’re unsure, call anyway. Drink responsibly—this is not a call to protect yourselves from sexual assault, but simply a reminder to treat your body and mind with care.
3. If you see a potentially unsafe situation, intervene.
Yes, there’s a chance you’ll be wrong and embarrass yourself, but that is lightyears away from the trauma a nonconsensual situation can cause. We’ve all learned the “3 D’s” somewhere—and yes, I know acronyms can be silly, but they’re also effective. Direct—directly stop someone from taking advantage of someone who cannot consent. Distract—call a potential perpetrator or victim’s attention away to prevent something from happening. Delegate—if you do not feel comfortable intervening yourself, enlist a friend, or even someone who knows the people involved better.
I wish this wasn’t something I felt I had to write. But we all know how dangerous WILD can be, and it is on all of us to keep it from becoming a hostile environment. And, for any administrators reading this, know it’s on you, too. I am not writing to take attention away from the important efforts of Title Mine; I am simply issuing a reminder that we have the responsibility to prevent these re-traumatizing administrative processes from having to occur. If even ONE person reads this and takes accountability for their actions, it will have helped someone.