Student Life | The independent newspaper of Washington University in St. Louis since 1878

Cadenza’s dream threesomes

Benedict Cumberbatch and Tom Hiddleston

Perhaps best known for his role as the titular character in BBC’s “Sherlock,” Benedict Cumberbatch is an English actor who’s also well-spoken, intelligent and strikingly handsome. Tom Hiddleston, famous for his role as Loki in several Marvel movies, can also be described in these terms. This sounds like a dream threesome to me, and I don’t think I’m the only one who has paired these two together based on the YouTube video “Tom Hiddleston and Benedict Cumberbatch dance off,” which has more than half a million views. Bonus points if Hiddleston wears his Loki costume or if they both talk dirty in their English accents.

John Krasinski and Emily Blunt

Not only are John Krasinski and Emily Blunt one of the best-looking couples in Hollywood, they also just seem super fun to hang out with. Have you seen Krasinski talk about the pranks he and Blunt pull on their neighbor, Jimmy Kimmel? Pure gold. And as much as I shipped Jim and Pam on “The Office,” that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t hook up with Krasinski’s Jim in a heartbeat. Both Krasinski and Blunt would keep the mood light all night just by being their hilarious, adorable selves. Plus, they’re both really sexy. I mean, have you heard Blunt’s English accent? Swoon.

George Clooney and Brad Pitt

While this pairing might just sound like every young girl’s dream, one must understand the closeness of these frequent co-stars/best friends to recognize why this threesome would be ideal. In the past, the two have copped to being obsessed with each other. Clooney often praises Pitt in the same breath as he knocks other, similar stars like Leonardo DiCaprio, so it’s pretty evident that he’s got something of a fixation on his friend. Who wouldn’t want to be caught in the middle when two of the hottest men in Hollywood realize that their friendship has turned into a hot mutual attraction?

Kanye West and Kim Kardashian

Much as I’m disappointed that Kanye West didn’t tie the knot with a woman as talented and volatile as himself—imagine the explosive potential of a West-Azealia Banks marriage—his union with Kim makes perfect sense. Sure, they may exist at opposite poles of the cultural spectrum, but both are highly divisive figures that posses the media savvy to steer discourse in whatever direction they please. But compatibility alone does not a great celebrity threesome make. You need a spark, that X-factor that sets them apart from other couples. While I’m a card-carrying member of the Church of Kanye West, it wasn’t until his jaw-dropping “Saturday Night Live” performance last year that he and Kardashian shot to the top of my celebrity threesome list. To put it lightly, the performance was ferocious, threatening to swallow the entire program whole. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t curious to see if that seething intensity carries over to West’s love life.

Daniel Day-Lewis and Anne Hathaway

A great threesome is all about juxtaposing sexual partners—in this case, intensity backed by comfort. Daniel Day-Lewis is well known as an incredible character actor. He can disappear completely into his role as sexual partner. Imagine having sex with Abraham Lincoln…the beard, the top hat, the oratory, the roll of pennies in his pocket; Day-Lewis can make it happen. But to ease the intensity, you need someone who’s encouraging, gracious, beautiful and nice to be around. That’s Anne Hathaway. She’ll not only comfort you during the threesome, but she’ll also probably take you out to coffee afterward and pay with a credit card so you don’t have to look at the $5 bill in your pocket and be reminded of the unspeakable things you’ve just done with our nation’s greatest president.

Katy Perry and John Mayer

While both musicians have recently come off highly publicized breakups, they’ve taken different approaches responding via song. While Perry describes her self-recovery in “By the Grace of God,” Mayer snaps that Taylor Swift is “like 22 girls in one.” Recently, the two have collaborated in a multitude of ways: professionally in the song “Who You Love” off Mayer’s 2013 album “Paradise Valley,” and romantically everywhere from Hawaii to strip clubs to in bed. This couple makes the ideal threesome behind Mayer’s chill, collected personality and the perky spark that Perry brings to the table. Just imagine telling Perry “your body is a wonderland!” And don’t even get me started on the song “Peacock.”

Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield

A couple on and off the screen, Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield are wonderful actors, individually appearing in films such as “Easy A,” “Crazy, Stupid, Love,” “The Help,” “The Social Network” and “Never Let Me Go” and appearing together in the newest Spider-Man movies, “The Amazing Spider-Man” and its sequel. They’re both incredibly attractive and have wonderfully sexy voices—Stone’s is gravelly and Garfield’s is British, so, yeah. They’ve also taken to keeping their relationship on the down low. When asked about it, they tend to politely move on from the topic to discuss their work. This discretion would be perfect for your threesome when you just aren’t sure if you want your face plastered on the tabloids the next day.

Jimmy Fallon and Seth Meyers

Let’s all be honest here: this would really be the ideal threesome. Jimmy Fallon and Seth Meyers both began their television careers on “Saturday Night Live,” where they melted our hearts with silly sketches and “serious” “Weekend Update” bits. These men are hilarious, and each has qualities that would surely make this threesome the best. With Fallon’s impressions, he could impersonate dozens of other people you wish could also join you, and with Meyers’ improv background, he would always be saying “Yes, and” to whatever you wanted to try. Even though these handsome studs are the new NBC late-night dream team—Fallon at “The Tonight Show” and Meyers at “Late Night”—I’m sure they’d be interested in a third person joining them late into the night.

Nicholas Hoult and Jennifer Lawrence

This threesome pairing of “X-Men: First Class” co-stars and real-life couple has it all, as all threesome pairings should have. First, for the straight men, Jennifer Lawrence has a wonderful body and that “one of the guys” attitudes that men apparently crave despite the homoerotic connotations of such a craving. Second, for the straight women, Nicholas Hoult was in that zombie romance movie “Warm Bodies,” which was like “Twilight” but with some modicum of critical success. But where this pairing really takes off is for the non-heterosexual people. J-Law, again, has a banging body but is beloved by even those not attracted to her physically for her interviews and awards show speeches. If you doubt me, check BuzzFeed. And Hoult was the star of the television show “Skins,” which is basically required viewing for any gay person as it is one of the few shows with token gay characters. Plus, anyone who has seen him in “A Single Man” knows what a good object of gay affection he can be.

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Student Life | The independent newspaper of Washington University in St. Louis since 1878